“And when my hand touches myself/I can finally rest my head/And when they say take of his body/I think I’ll take from mine instead”

...So I guess he didn’t read the lyrics?

It didn’t deserve to beat Pulp Fiction, but Forrest Gump is a masterpiece. The entire message of the movie is that nostalgia is bullshit and the only way you can fetishize a point in time is if you don’t understand what the hell’s going on. Zemeckis gave it a nice warm glow and an uplifting score, and people gave him…

Because even film nerds hate that film nerd. Don’t be that film nerd. Let it go. Find peace.

SPORTS!

Serious question; I’m led to understand that the higher the protein content of the food, the more resources it consumes? So does this also apply to nuts?

I had a griffin die in midair from poison and just... stay there. I actually need to upload the video, because it’s kind of hilarious. It was a contract and I was very nearly screwed.

Finally, there’s Wang we want to see on the Internet.

And, you know, The Sopranos and The Wire.

Oh, is that what you’re going with? I would have just admitted I took the comment too seriously myself, but if you want to pretend something else, that’s cool.

I drink your tears of rage to give strength to Cxaxukluth. Why do you ask?

I’m really looking forward to the thinkpieces this will generate from the tiresome asshole segment of the vegans and the tiresome assholes who hate tiresome asshole vegans. I foresee many people climbing upon their digital crosses and wailing!

Yeah, when he had to quit, that show was gutted.

I read your comment. I know what Jim Shooter said. I am just skeptical that he’s being entirely honest about what happened.

This tweet is a running joke at my job.

I mean, as shitty as it is, at least the crimes are being reported. That’s the first step to actually reducing them. People never believe me when I tell them we literally have no concrete idea of how prevalent sexual assault actually is due to underreporting/poor crime tracking.

They have a higher batting average in terms of books worth reading right now. We’ll see if that changes.

If you want to wear a green Speedo, that’s between y’all and the wall.

Of course there are two Wolverines. This is Marvel! I’m surprised there aren’t more.