Also appropriate the next time someone asks you if you’re a god.

I remember around ‘86-’87, when I was in 8th grade, there was a “thing” going around that kids were doing. A person would stand with their back against the wall, hold their breath, then bend down as far as they could go, and stay that way for who knows how many seconds. Kids would count it down. And then after the…

Being a kid in the 1980s was great. No one took video of all the stupid shit we did, all the things we set on fire, all the things we blew up... 

First of all, I’m so very sorry for your loss and I hope you and your family are doing as well as possible after such a terrible time.

I don’t like mayo or tomatoes so there are things I don’t like that you probably do! Woo!

I’m sure he’ll be replaced by a younger Mr. Peanut, his son, who won’t wear a monocle and top head, because that’s so Boomer.  Though I’m hoping for his grandson, who will wear a backwards ball cap and ride a skateboard.  That would be so....so.

There is no meaningful plastic recycling anywhere. What recycling that happens is less “green” than making new plastic. Those plastic bins you throw your plastic bottles are just to make you feel good and to get an extra charge on your garbage bill.

If you can’t find a way to fill 6 seats with 3 days notice, you have no business running a restaurant.

That comment is golden.

He brought the bones of the golden tomahawks home in a doggie bag and intends bring them to a lab

“Beyond Mark Hamill’s floppy Tiger Beat hair, nothing about Star Wars even looks ’70s.”

If Palpatine controlled Snoke the whole time, and Palpatine knew about Rey and wanted to turn her, why did Snoke order Kylo Ren to kill Rey?*

To quote a great movie: Amazing. Every word of what you just said was wrong.

*sigh*

To be fair, the man was Lando, the smoothest dude in the universe.

I actually really liked the line of “It’s not a Navy, sir. It’s just people.” And, boy, do I hope that’s how 2020 goes. 

A pregnant waitress already got more than the tip.

If I were writing this as a piece of meme fiction instead of a Real Interview That Actually Happened, there would be exactly three exchanges:

If you want to break it down and smash the hot dog meat, that’s not even really enough meat to make a good sandwich.

Or a stoned one? She is rather friendly with snoop d-o-g-g.