I was really excited about this headline when I thought it said that the NCAA had brought an end to eSports.

Brilliant, #fuckface

Goya predicted this ages ago, though it remains unclear to art historians why he modeled the gentleman in white on David Luiz:

Who knew Miss Cleo is still culturally relevant?

I tried to take a shot at avoid net points once, but I just ended up firing a gross point blank

F-Zero

They were cool with it when it was competitive, but then it became feta compli.

What’choo talkin’ ‘bout, Mr. Drummond?

N’dubatably.

I’d always wondered whether two inactive hands clapping made a sound.

Bill Simmons Has Never Not Been an Embarrassment

Too bad “Pipp” isn’t a sexual term (yet).

I forgot all about Panini. I think of them as a hockey card company. What o-pee-chee suggestion!

Bowman liked to Score while he was Topps at work? I Fleer at the very thought. Hopefully he never left anything in the Upper Deck.

At this point, wouldn’t it just be easiest to outlaw the forward pass?

You can’t really blame a knuckleballer for something like this. When he throws the punch, he has no idea where it will end up.

“Last place” sort of undersells how bad Benevento have been: they were 0-0-14 coming in, not even a draw yet this season.

This was a dive to anyone who knows anything about the game. Clean shoulder-to-shoulder contact, nothing below the waist. If you get knocked down like that, get up and try to play the ball. It’s not the falling down that he gets punished for, it’s trying to sell the refs on calling an undeserved penalty. The match…

Hope this ends better than Philly’s “Free Mumia” campaign.

This can’t happen, as there can’t be more than one team from any confederation in the same group, with the exception of UEFA, which has a maximum of two.
So if you really want England to get fucked, I’d probably root for a draw of Brazil/Argentina, Costa Rica/Egypt, and Serbia. Or maybe one of the Nordic countries in…