Hopefully on his farewell tour there is a team generous enough to give Derek a Whirlpool Gold Freestanding Stainless Steel, or a Samsung Slide-in Electric with dual oven, as anyone of those represents a vast improvement over his current range.

The Twins plan to give him a chair made out of the balls he didn't get to in the hole.

In his honor, the Yankees will install a bronze statue of Jeter at the shortstop position in the Yankee Stadium (Mk. 2) infield for 2015.

To celebrate his retirement, Rawlings has awarded Jeter with the 2015 American League Gold Glove for Shortstop.

George Steinbrenner just rolled over in his grave. Also related, Kevin Maas just rolled over in the dumpster he was sleeping in and cut his back on an empty can of tuna.

"Really? He didn't give up playing, like, a year ago?"

Hopefully one of the teams on his farewell tour will give him some gloves.

Fan-fucking-tastic. This is going to make Mo's farewell tour look like an Irish goodbye.

What better way to say you care than a gift basket?

Haslam's favorite amendment.

Fighting over a little strip, is that all they fucking do in the Middle East?!

Is there anything Hubertus can't do?

According to family friends who saw her on Tuesday, Chamoun's conservative Sunni mother was extremely embarrassed, or mildly embarrassed, or very proud, or frowning, or sticking out her tongue.

"I hope you're proud of yourself for watching that whole thing just to see a combined 1.5 seconds of nipple."

In Germany they can make giant signs advertising for Anal Sex Tours, but Lebanese women can't show a little titty?

Thanks...our motto is character, loyalty, and stupidity.

As a non-Browns fan, I've just got to say; those of you that are Browns fans are a bunch of tough fucking bastards. Kudos to you for sticking with them.

You didn't mention a third preposterous rumor about a possible trade for Mike Glennon, but I think that and the Manning one are neck and neck.

Brandon Weeden made 7.5 million dollars?

"I'll pass. I have a better job. And please only call this number if you are going to order a pizza."