I still laugh every time I watch the Hank Scorpio episode. Something about the Broncos running around Homer's front yard falling all over themselves is timeless.

irony ˈīrənē,ˈiərnē/ (noun)

I was kind of combative on Deadspin comments this week (work sucks, right?), and I would like to use this bear post to apologize for being annoying. Your bears always give me some much-needed perspective, Tom, and I commend you for their exposure.

Jesus you're tiring. Did everyone who comments on this site look up the word "sanctimony" in the dictionary together and say, "Gee, if I just call people that I can win an argument!" Read the article and read what I wrote. It's called textual analysis. Sorry to vent but you're like the fifth person to take this angle…

Meanwhile, in America, Andrew McCutchen ordered a latte with his given name.

That's fair, and you're right. Maybe what I feel is ambiguous is that sentiment itself. Your understanding of it is reasonable, my initial reading just gave me the sense that the owner was saying, "When this all blows over, you've got a job with us." Which I think we can agree isn't a good stance. But you're right,…

Primarily, you're right about Ley. That was my original point. I don't know why they saw the need to play loose with the texts when their (the texts') reality seemed to be enough of a story alone. It seems a little sensational. But to your other point, let's say you hit your wife. And you were fired. And you texted…

But it's tone-deaf from a PR perspective isn't it? You make fair points, and ones that the owner could have made much more eloquently. I guess that's my main point. He's defending himself with a text that says "When you are done with football I will hire you to help me raise Great young men." You don't think that's a…

I'm just saying its duplicitous. He's on the one hand trying to convince the public that he runs an organization that prides itself on its legitimate moral precedents, but he's still wink-wink nudge-nudge you got a job here at the end of the day, Ray. I've got no problem with his support as a former employer. "We're…

The obfuscation and paraphrasing does water down the effect, which is unfortunate, given that simply reporting the exchange verbatim (if it was available? I'm assuming the screenshots matched what the Ravens provided themselves) would have been damning enough in my eyes. Here's an organization that should be…

You can say what you will about the whole "chemistry" thing, but if players believe in it, it will manifest like this. With discord in the clubhouse, doesn't it make sense that they'd fabricate some common scapegoat through a collective subconscious (alright maybe that's giving them a little too much credit) rather…

GIDPORADE

That's fair I suppose, but I still think it isn't too much to ask of our pro athletes that they conduct themselves with an awareness that they're role models. I'd much rather be able to allow my kid to admire pro athletes because they're talented, competitive and gracious than have to explain that while they should be…

Today I learned that Adrian Peterson understands neither capitalization nor punctuation.

So you didn't admire professional athletes as a child? They're role models whether they like it or not. I'm a relatively well-adjusted adult with an independent moral compass, sure, I don't need Tom Brady to tell me I shouldn't hit girls, but wouldn't you rather be able to explain the NFL's domestic violence problem…

I'm just happy he's saying something. Decent piece in the Boston Globe today about how the faces of the game (namely Tom Brady) are missing a profound opportunity with the whole "I'm just focused on my next opponent" song and dance. To me this is really on the players to set the tone. If a big name weighs in with some…

The primary function of a dresser is as a table where you keep your receipts, after shave, deodorant, AA poker chips, etc. Without a functional top, that thing doesn't even qualify as a dresser, it's just an object.

For what it's worth, the heat index was deceptively brutal in New York today.

My buddy had this big old pickup truck we used to cruise around in when we were in high school in Massachusetts, and one night this possum sprinted out in front of us, no time to stop or swerve or react in any way and I swear to god, the son of a bitch looked right into our eyes and mouthed the lyrics to the Neurosis…

Is he bleeding?