I moved to New York from Boston about six months ago, and every time I come across another Pats fan, s/he tells me that Brady is the greatest QB of all time, like it's news to me that he's a talented athlete. And if my response is in any way halfhearted (e.g. "Yeah man, he's pretty fucking good."), it's an immediate…

I wish they'd put grass on their infields.

In Infinite Jest, the players coat their arms in Lysol spray [edit: actually it's Lemon Pledge] because in addition to being 100% UV-proof, it hardens and cracks rather than running with sweat and getting slippery, stinging eyes, etc. I always wondered if there was any truth to that practice [edit: A quick Google…

The irony is just going to be overwhelming when someone convincingly determines that marijuana is beneficial for people who've suffered traumatic head injuries. The pot thing aside though, the DUI is impossible to defend. There's a fucking app that will bring you a limo with a few drunken taps, man.

And of course you got this guy.

Does the LVRJ still try to sue anyone who uses them as a source?

You're the problem with this country.

Even when pragmatic and in the best interest of a player's health, these things always make me slightly sad. Imagine having the thing to which you'd dedicated your life taken away from you at 29 years old. Ever see Bobby Orr's retirement speech? It's heartbreaking. He breaks down the moment he actually verbalizes "I…

If on Opening Day someone said to me, "Hey, a game protest will be upheld this season for the first time in 28 years." I'd have said "Cubs." without missing a beat.

Worst. Box seats. Ever.

That was my first thought too. That is a nice looking swing.

How skilled are you guys with sunflower seeds?

I was thinking it was a bonus car. Like they drive the car on the course on his last throw and if he hits it his points are doubled. Or it's the javelin equivalent of the Dr. Suess golfball-collecting tractor at the driving range, and you just aim at it for fun. Either way, someone let me know when the car gets…

The burden of proof is on the prosecution...

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That's not even a Russian team. And she certainly didn't get that stick in Russia.

I don't agree with the guy, but nor do I think the logic is THAT twisted. My dad played pretty serious hockey in the 70s, and is constantly harping on the fact that the game would actually be safer without helmets, because guys would play more responsibly. Not really an argument he's actually going to win, but I can…

I always wonder how the hell people can do the play by play for these things. Aside from whether they make a small or big splash, how can you see anything in real time? I suppose their eyes are just super trained, but I like to imagine that they're just making it up as they go along.

Hunter Pence comments on Deadspin articles lauding his tepid detractors.

Jesus, somebody proofread that first paragraph.