You work for Deadspin. That shit's your bread and butter...

"Let's call it even."

What a pussy. If he were a hockey player he would've digested his tongue and kept playing.

Ware he finally lands has yet tibiannounced.

Who retweeted what being news must mean I'm in some sort of special level of hell.

A revenge killing by a former Panthers WR. Very original, Steve.

Oh please, watch me play the world's smallest violin.

You're right. We should all stop appreciating sunsets while we're at it, too. SEEN TOO MANY.

I remember growing up in DC when it felt somehow prestigious that Kornheiser and Wilbon wrote for our paper and covered our teams. These days they just seem kind of pathetic.

First to arrive at the Pistorius home: Dr. Johan Stipp.

I can see complaining about raising ticket prices, or if you think they're ugly/tired to wear on the ice, but they're giving you the option to buy something or not. Why complain? Just say no.

Calm down. He just spilled some barbeque sauce on his laptop while watching The Wire.

There's a big difference between reporting violent crime as a witness and airing someone's marital infidelity in a hippity hop song.

I remember a similar story about Tim Tebow. Someone at a Denver game a few years back slipped and fell in the stairwell and looked like they hurt their ankle, so Tim ran to one of the concession stands and tossed him a bag of ice which went way over the guy's head. The 2nd bag of ice landed 5 feet in front of the guy.…

Somewhere, Darren Sharper just got an erection.

He was released on his own recognizance due to the fact that he's no longer a threat to run.

Tim, you realize that the report came from Empire Sports, which is a satirical sports website, like The Onion.

Wait, you guys never reached out to the person who the story was about? What the fuck? I don't like Mike Missanelli, but that's pretty shitty. What the fuck is going on with these sites? Yesterday Kyle Chaka, a Gawker contributor, wrote an article that said Jerry Seinfeld was suggesting he doesn't find any comedians…

Larry Mendte did not immediately return a request for comment.

General Summary of the Martin-Incognito texts