Hey pal. What. The. Fuck.

The answer is practicality more than anything. A court’s docket is booked out way in advance, so when a verdict is handed down the court needs time to look at factors like criminal history, whether any extenuating circumstances exist, or any other factors that would be taken into account (when someone’s freedom is…

So is Barf Bag gone now? Did I miss an announcement or something?

I don’t know if it was genius or stupid to post a recipe involving bananas and nuts after this, but I love it either way. 

I still play Pirates occasionally on my Xbox One! It’s still one of my favorites for when I want to just turn my brain off and play.

I’m way more concerned that it’s in the nonfiction section than anything else.

Well now you’re just being pawdantic. 

I’d say this is a case of the tail wagging the dog, but that idiom is a little too on the nose here. 

“Marion Nestle, a food studies professor at New York University”

No, no, no, you let the beat drop. Classic misunderstanding here. 

Staring at a wall is Jared’s favorite hobby, so this makes perfect sense. 

This. My wife was a preschool teacher and her monthly take home wasn’t enough to cover the cost of enrolling our child at the day care/preschool my wife worked at, even with the small discount offered to employees. Now she stays home, which she prefers, but I hate knowing that we have to rely on a single income which…

“When hoiho penguins do get together, though, things get quite loud, per Yolanda van Heezik, an associate professor of zoology at the University of Otago: But when mates do return home to each other, they stand upright, flipper to flipper, and begin what Dr van Heezik called “an ecstatic ceremony”. “They are…

Uh, nothing, the entire article is about Greyhound vs. the subway. Weird that I would make a comment related to the article we are both commenting on. 

Because the NY subway is famously known for its pleasantness and lack of creepy men. 

“and escape an extremely high percentage of life-threatening incidents”

This is what happens when irresponsible young wizards just throw their invisibility cloaks anywhere they feel like instead of hanging them up properly.

I know this sounds weird but I keep thinking about the holidays. Being stuck at some family get together, getting annoyed at the shit they are talking about and then retreating to a quiet spot to check Deadspin for the annual list of things people got stuck in them or Drew’s Williams Sonoma catalog review, just to get…

Username checks out. 

My snarky comment aside, find something to do with your hands that is mindless. I got one of those desktop magnet things that has a bunch of small round magnets that you can make into all kinds of shapes and that helps reduce the feeling like you should be smoking because your hands are busy.