Pretty rude to just leave us hanging like that. The second and third terms are....

Wait, your dick doesn’t look like a twizzler?

Seems a little elaborate for an April Fool’s Day prank.

But he’s LITERALLY in the middle of the road. Do you get it? DO YOU GET IT????!!?!?

It is also my job is to make sure that we are ideologically diverse. Diversity in all its forms makes us better journalists; it also opens us up to new audiences.

So all this professional advice and not once does this doctor tell you that this bodysuit will also increase your risk of attracting bears and sharks? This is what happens when you go to a lady doctor, when you needed a real professional. Paging Dr. DashBag, Dr. *check notes* sorry, Bagdash, not Dashbag, I’m sure you…

That was actually... pretty funny? I’m an idiot though, so take that with however much salt you want. 

Update: I wasn’t serious, were you serious? I’m not drunk, are you drunk? Here’s different types of alcohol: 😕. I’m not Kevin Love...

@EveryoneElse TRRAAAASSSHHHHH

@DankGravy I’m drunk

“The air up there is a tad bit different. LIVE.LAUGH.LOVE”

I’m sure Chicago PD is looking for a way to charge the family for the cost of this raid too. This is such outrageous incompetence, how do these cops still have their jobs?

This is so Giannice.

This kind of publicity campaign upsets the moderate consumer...To us, these kinds of studies just make consumers feel guilty.

Gotta give them credit, they sure have drained a lot of money out of the swamp and into their pockets.

It’s amazing how much she terrifies them. 

I hope everyone in baseball starts using one of the 10,000 variations of Baby Shark (I like the Halloween one best). My kid has started to ask for Monkey Banana more than Baby Shark which might be even worse.

I think it’s more of an unconscious bias that people can’t really help. 

Why the fuck is she even here? What kind of person gives up the life of a billionaire just to be able to ruin the education system for every kid who isn’t rich, white, and male?

If he meant “taken care of” in the mafia sense, then he’s probably not wrong.