My mother is... she communicates like Trump. Disconnected, nonspecific, inaccurate. She also just doesn’t even try to pronounce a new word correctly, she just kind of lets her brain concoct whatever it feels like saying instead.

I have three sons. My youngest is in 6th grade. About 6 months ago, we were in a lockdown in a mall during a false alarm linked to a reported shooting. Last night at dinner, unprompted, he started talking about how he didn’t respond to the lockdown the way he thought he would. My wife said she didn’t really think…

Here’s a name that would shake up the New York AG race: Ric Ocasek.

Here’s a name that would shake up the New York AG race: Eric Trump.

So you’re saying the Steelers forced their will on him, then Ben changed his tune. I guess it’s safe to say he’s just in it for the money, and his original statement is completely invalid.

This isn’t surprising. Texas Iron Man seems like he’d be in favor of the draft, as well as against abortions and kneeling for the National Anthem. Also, Tony Stark’s company’s biggest shareholders are probably the Koch brothers in this universe.

**David Attenborough voice**

“In times of danger, the Bluegrass Turtle uses fat energy from its neckpouch to survive.”

The consensus is that while his behavior was clearly wrong it was not at the level of a Harvey Weinstein, James Toback or Bill Cosby.

In a statement to the Times, co-president of Fox News Jack Abernethy said:

Is Aquaman really globally renowned?

Who can turn the world on with her hair.

Humanity. If we can’t eat it we’ll rape it.

HI BILLY MAYS HERE FOR COLLUSION!

Well actually, test scores vis-à-vis the rest of the world have not gone up

shart tank?

Tough decision. His heart is between a rock and a hard place.

“I am deeply sorry that I worked on a project with a guy who has been deemed unsavory. I will pretend I didn’t know anything about Woody Allen, even though he’s been pretty out there with his gross behavior for 25 years. Man, I’m shocked with how badly my decision has aged. Shame on you, Woody Allen, for making me…

Oh yeah, this is great! Kennedy skewered that bozo! He’s a real hero!

As a white, cisgender male, I would like to say that I, too, do not understand white people. I would also like to add that white people continue to ruin things for white people.