So what if you brush your teeth with a piece of cheddar cheese?

I am truly, truly outraged.

Actually, Craig Kilborn left him a phone book to sit on.

I wasn't going to rob the Irish, I was going to *steal* the Irish.

Can I be your creepy, syphilitic Central European manservant? I've always wanted to rob Irish cemeteries.

You're familiar with the concept of money, right?

This is *still* on the air?

I cannot, for the life of me, believe that she is so lacking in self-awareness that she actually put out a "haters gonna hate" song in 2015. Seriously, Eminem isn't this clueless.

To be fair, he probably just works for her maid service.

DIE, SPIDERMAN! I want to eat your brain!

Her music is boring, and everywhere.

Yes, but how?

Why are so many musicians unclear on how magnets work?

Not to mention being much louder than the feature, just like the ads I stopped watching cable TV to get away from.

Five Words: Small children with whooping cough.

It wasn't "various VH1 dating shows" — it was 1 show: "Megan wants a Millionaire."

Thank you very much for reminding me of the exact moment I fell out of love with MTV.

This is why this particular white boy doesn't follow rap —- it's just a formula for embarrassment.

You're an idiot.

OMG You suck soccer moms! SCREW YOU GWYNNETH PALTROW!!!!