“Fractured an elbow while pitching? Uh, yeah, me too”
-Jordan Spieth

“I am Vilipolvius Frenz, from the Ruanada quadrant, leader of the Gracciponides. I have transformed my energy into a ball and approached your highest energy flow, emanating from what appears to be a a slow-moving but birdlike and willowy warrior. Now that I have made my way into your earthen vessel, may I speak to the…

The only aliens allowed at Augusta are the grounds crew.

They don’t call them “chairs” at Augusta, they are “upholstered lounging structures.”

FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN

Can’t wait for SBNation’s longform profile of him.

Fully Underestimated Pablo Again

Pablo Sansabelt.

Saving for later

“American Cities, Listed Randomly”

When reached for comment, Raymond Usher denied any involvement in the fight. “I just want to make love in the club.” Asked to clarify the location he responded, “In the club.” Asked to expand on that statement he refused, simply saying, “In the club.” one more time.

Emmitt Smith: So he is not liable. Very interesting. But tell me. Does that necessarily mean he is truthable?

At this point, 3 games of semi-rest aren’t going to make a huge difference, I wouldn’t think. Get the record, sweep your first round series, then catch up on your Zzzz’s.

Based on what I know about tag, if you make it back to base then you’re safe.

At the end of their joyride they just stopped in the middle of the street and high-fived their homies and just hung around for 5 minutes blocking traffic, eventually deciding to pull it over to the curb. Then a lone police car eventually waddles up and the two perps accept their handcuffed fate, it was a very calm…

Wait, Derrick Rose still plays?

Zero fucks Obama is the best Obama.

Nah, usually he’s just silent.

“IT’S WHEN YOU SHIT ON A HOOKER WITH A MIDWESTERN ACCENT. Goddammit, Steve, sometimes you are dumber than a sack of hammers.”