this was depressing

I’m an associate attorney at a large family law firm. I spend an inordinate amount of time (for which I’m billing) combing through facebook and instagram profiles looking for bad shit my client’s ex and my client post on the internet.

were reported to the police by Walmart (fucking Walmart) when they went to get the photos developed.

Poor guy can’t even leave the country and catch a break.

If you could leave a player hanging, who would it be? Kobe would be unfazed, Chris Paul would yell at you, Steph would just laugh... I’m gonna go with Dwight Howard. He might actually cry.

While back on break from college, I went out on the annual Black Wednesday barcrawl and don’t recall leaving the bars. I woke up at 7am on my family room floor in a bathing suit. Apparently, I had come home at 2am, kicked in my little sister’s door and tried to sleep in her bed. I was coerced out of room by my mother,…

Submitted on behalf of the Eagles starting quarterback.

I was just chilling, doing a little hunting, when I saw them roll up. I don’t like to pass judgement, but these guys looked weird. They were like a bad semi-Goth band with hipster tendencies for wool and poorly fitting jackets. Ugh, those hats were atrocious too. And they were rolling deep. Women, animals, you name…

Whats left of my family still argue over who gets the most right-wing

It’s been clear over the past few seasons that the Lions work very hard to censor what people can say about them. Specifically, they’ve made it nearly impossible to say things like “the Lions look pretty impressive this year” or “I’ll give up the points and take the Lions.”

The danger to manifold thing drives me nuts. I was still a kid when I watched that movie, and that scene confused the fuck out of me, but being a kid I didn’t think about it critically... so I thought this “manifold” thing had something to do with the floor.

This entire list could have been made of Fast and Furious movies, maybe just the first one. Like when the kid in the white Jetta in the first film shows up to the race wars thing with no brake calipers.....

Small point: He doesn’t get beaten by the first step. He just gives him baseline at an angle where he’s too far from the basket to score and LeBron figured he could smother any pass attempt.

I decided to do a quick search and it looks like he made 44 million in 2012.

I’m always amazed that more rich dudes like this don’t check out of their careers and then just fuck off to do whatever they want. To me that’s the whole point of being rich.

“An older black gentleman just looked at me from a few seats away and said ‘Jesus. Lord Jesus.’”

For biology class we had to put a goldfish in colored water and record how long it took for the goldfish to filter out the color. Afterwards you could take the fish home if you wanted. A girl in class that took public bus home everyday said a guy approached her on the bus. He asked if he could hold onto the goldfish.…

Here’s a lame dad antic I look forward to. Going out to a family dinner, looking at the check, and saying to myself, “hmmmm lets take a look at the damage.”

[watches clip]

This was at last Sundays game.