I haven’t seen backpedaling that awkward since my dad realized mid-rant that he was talking about immigration policy to a guy whose last name was Ramirez.

Up until about, oh, ninety seconds ago I was a firm opponent of the death penalty.

I’m sure we would have heard about that once or twice if it was true. You must be confused.

Do these Cardinals fans responses count as reading a book?

Arizona is Arians Nation!

For what it’s worth, Colin, we agree: The oppression of black Americans remains staggering. But those slave ships haven’t arrived here in over 150 years.

You’ll have to explain to him why he can’t bomb the shit out of them first.

“How dare you sit there and blame white people for the problems of the minority communities. After all, aren’t you half white? Didn’t two white parents adopt you, after yours weren’t willing to raise you?!”

I’m out in North Center and am frequently called a “faggot” by screaming drunk passengers of cabs going down Irving. I have a small dog and she needs to be walked, goddamnit.

I’m a Cubs fan, but used to have to ride my bike through Wrigleyville to get back home, and on gameday, some of the broier of the bunches would fuck with me; try to make me fall off, etc.

I didn’t buy in Wrigleyville, I bought a few miles away, but my commute is seriously affected by Cubs traffic. You’re asinine.

Buying in Wrigleyville is your own damn fault. This is asinine.

To quote Bomani Jones:

Kaepernick should have performed an armed takeover of a bird sanctuary. The only acceptable form of protest.

At the very least we should send them a nice gift basket.

notakebacksyoutouchhimyoukeephim

Great. Now I want to go to McDonalds.

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

“Stop calling people names, fuckface.” — You