My cat sits on the sink counter and reaches out to "pet" me while I'm shitting. It's almost like he's consoling me.

My cat has jumped into my lap while I poop and then kneads my bare legs. It's horrifying.

My cats like to sit on my knee while I sit on the pot, and only on the pot (never when I sit on the couch). Another mystery du chat.

We have a no talking rule in my house. If the door is closed and you suspect someone is taking a poo under penalty of death (unless you are having a pee emergency) you cannot and will not talk to this person.

ALL cats have to visit their humans in the bathroom. It's an eternal mystery why.

omg my dog is SO INTO being in the bathroom with me. if i kinda close the door over she BARGES in (she's really into BARGING in to wherever i am) but she gets there and is like :DDDDDDD WE'RE TOGETHER IN THE SAME ROOM!!!! and i am like, we were just together in the same room a second ago.

I was thinking that it was "perfume pretty" Barbie.

Jesus Christ. Early one morning I had my phone in my back pocket when I went into my own bathroom. I don't recall why, exactly, but it might've been because sometimes while I am pooping I like to kill time by texting my bff (sometimes to tell her that I am pooping). Anyhow, as I pulled down my pants - SPLASH! My…

That... is so wrong.

D:

Absolutely that counts—it's a good one. It reminds me of Paula Radcliffe, who had diarrhea in the London marathon a few years ago. Except: she didn't use a porta-potty: she just squatted, pulled aside her gusset, and let it go on the side of the road. On television. AND STILL SET A WORLD RECORD.

Man, that's why you back up your data- so you don't have to stick your arm in a pit of human waste to get your phone back.

I have several, but let's start with the happy one.

My housemates have a couple of cats. They're indoor outdoor cats but they're nice enough cats. One night, I was working my way through a bottle of white wine, a joint, and a box of twinkies. (I was coming off a nasty break up, ok? Don't judge me.) I was, in a rare…

Whatever i'm still waiting for the long curly black hair growing out of your chin that you don't notice for 6 months to come into style.

Guys, a public service announcement. No one finds your dick as interesting as you do. (Caveat: you have some sort of deformity that has been/should be written up in a medical journal.)

American Ninja Warrior is my favorite summer programming. I get ridiculously invested in whether competitors make it through. As much as I was pulling for Kacy to finish the course, I was almost absurdly happy that Sam Sann, the 47 year old, got to move on to the finals. And then I felt bad for hoping the last guy…

Yeah, this went to a fucked up place, I was really dissappointed. Here's a better version IMO: http://groupthink.jezebel.com/unpopular-opin…

Also wanted to add that as a fellow fan of the husky men, I've dated guys who were Andy Dwyer's build (not present-day, ripped Chris Pratt), Prince Fielder's (though not quite as muscular), and up to Rick Ross's size. Everyone's entitled to their own taste, of course, but I'd say if you like your men on the big 'n'…

Yeah, I'm no fan of Rick Ross by any means, but when I found out "TOO FAT" was the crux of the argument here? Disappointed.

Once on a prison tour, we had a guard gleefully explain to us that during the full body cavity searches the prisoners received after meeting with family, they went to to bottom, but if the prisoner misbehaved, they went bottom to top. He had the same rationale.