“ABC is the destination for big live events that become cultural moments...”

And even if he did, he seems to think reporting something that was supposed to be off the record means the reporter should be imprisoned.

Yeah, we need a commission looking into the effectiveness of vaccines. Oh, there is? I meant we need government agencies to look closely at the safety of vaccines. Oh, there are? I meant we need scientists to look into the science behind these vaccines. Oh, they have? Um... never mind.

Let’s play, ‘Caption that pic’, I’ll start:

Also, John Oliver did a good piece on these.

“We put the notice for it right inside the men’s room door, I don’t understand why you didn’t see it.”

Looks like they have the demographics of the Vatican.

Kinda like burning their Nikes when they don’t like the spokesman.  Go for it.

The Mongols were only sending over murderers and rapists, they simultaneously lived off welfare and stole jobs.

“...there are people who don’t want to accept that this happens and it’s a terrible thing.”

Stand back, sir.  Unpresidented covfefe hamberder!

And the Leader of the Free World continued, “We could oppose this so-called European Union and be, um, the American Confederacy.  You know, like the old Confederacy.  They were on the right side too.  A lot of people don’t know that the Confederacy and the Union actually fought a war, like, 100 years ago, maybe more. …

The play at home would not have been easier, if you watch the runner on third he’s sort of juking until he sees the catcher run toward first then the runner breaks for home. If the catcher had stayed at home the shortstop would have thrown there and the runner would have retreated to third, then it’s bases loaded one…

The guns were designed by someone who holds the rights too. The helmets? Boots? Goggles? Should a game designer have to obtain rights from the designer of every photo-realistic item in their scenes? I don’t know the actual law on this but my gut supports the game designer although I think linking it to the First…

Yeah, they’ll find something to set them off. “Lookie thar boys. He’s got glasses AND he wipes his mouth with a napkin.” Or “Ooooh, look at Mr. Noun-Verb-Agreement over there.”

Wait.  None of the kids in your high school write on the bathroom stalls?  I must visit this mythical land of wonders.

Family-wide strategy.  Don Jr. attempted to ‘prove’ he didn’t collaborate with a hostile power to usurp U.S. elections by releasing his entire email chain showing he would “love it” if Russia would help usurp U.S. elections.

Trump’s hair is like his tweets — they each provide accurate insight for the character they represent. For that reason, I’m happy he didn’t permanently change his to a more, um, traditional style and for that same reason I don’t want him to stop tweeting — they remind us who he is.

You call him Barack?! I’m picturing exactly that scene, “Call me, Barack, son,” says the former Leader of the Free World.

I’m not trying to be snarky because I really am not sure, but is ‘pron’ actually ‘porn’ or does it mean something else?