Uwe Boll has already made a movie called Rampage. It was surprisingly not-terrible, at least by Uwe Boll standards.

So, El Salvador… is 45 minutes how long it takes to see all the stuff worth seeing, or how long you'll live if you go downtown?

What happens if he refuses, though? Does the Nobel committee hunt him down and shoot him like a dog?

Christ on a bike, the nuclear apocalypse can't come soon enough

It'll be called Eastasia. It has always been called Eastasia.

Eh… I thought it was utter twaddle. For most of the running time, I was thinking 'why the fuck is this not straight to VOD?' I did like the sequence that made Anthony Hopkins look as though he was in the video for some mopey wank like Boulevard of Broken Dreams, though.

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes

Still a better candidate than anyone who's actually running

I think you'll find that's 'Eminem' (♫♫ doo-dooo doo-doo-doo ♫♫)

In a year that's given us Colin Farrell turning into a lobster, Daniel Radcliffe's farting corpse, and whatever the everloving fuck The Neon Demon was, you can't say they don't make weird films. It's just that they're made for small audiences, on a small budget because they're, you know, weird.

I'm one of the half-dozen or so people who have actually seen that movie. If you can get over the fact that it's clearly made on a budget of about £1.50, it's pretty good fun

It's bad enough that my grandma is posting shitty 'puzzles' on the internet now, but I never expected the old bat would turn up at the AV Club

It'll be called 'that one movie that I keep seeing on Netflix but can't be arsed to watch'.

I like the movie too, but it's the first De Niro role that didn't need his talent, and could have been played by any competent actor. After that, he started freewheeling into stuff like Backdraft (also not a bad movie) and it was downhill from there to the focking Fockers.

But it has Jason Statham, which adds those points right back.

That term 'cosy catastrophe' is a really weird one when applied to Wyndham's novels. Day of the Triffids has a suicide and a rape in the first ten pages, and later on the hero straight-up murders a guy - and that's all before you get to the triffids, which allow their victims to decompose so they can feed on the…

There actually is a version that cuts that joke - I know, because I was expecting the joke, and was surprised when it wasn't there. Unfortunately, I don't know exactly WHICH version doesn't have it, so you might have to do a lot of downloading to find it.

Yeah, that might not work out so well.

I used to read the movie reviews on here all the time, but I don't bother any more. It's not that I disagree with Dowd and the others, it's more that their whole attitude is so fucking dreary, as though they're trying to suck the fun out of everything. You have to wonder if the movie reviewers on the AV Club these…

Just nasty, gristly ham made by a really bad butcher, that makes you sad you ate it