The corners of my mouth get inflamed every winter when the temps drop to freezing. It clears up within a week of balm use and my skin acclimating but according to my friends, it’s totes 100% a vitamin B deficiency. Never mind that my multi has a metric fuckton of all the Bs in it, I have no other symptoms, and it…

I got one so bad last week that I was physically incapable of straightening my leg to walk it off. I had to force it straight with my hands while wailing and swearing.

It started out funny, but Mindy’s character got increasingly more self-obsessed and vapid and by the time it was “canceled” all I could say was “good.” I never watched any of the Hulu eps.

I loved him the first season or two. Once he hooked up with Mindy, it was like they had to crap up the character to make it believable someone like him would be with Mindy. Because I’m sorry, she started out cute and fun but by the time the show moved to Hulu her character was unbearable and I couldn’t watch anymore.

Mail carrier, delivering my package from the herp supplier: Is it really live crickets?*

I didn’t see the importance of doing the workshop to get a rainbow placard to put on my office door because I just am an ally and didn’t feel I needed visual proof. Until it was explained that a student would appreciate being able to explain she missed class because her wife was in an accident or something without…

I’m from California. Everyone and everything is “dude.” I’m dude, you’re dude, my boss is dude, the cat is dude, the traffic light that was only green long enough for one car to proceed is “WTF dude?”

I regret forgetting that I have this on my computer.

Every other pet I’ve ever had was an overeater. This was the only undereater I’ve ever dealt with. Having one cat that will eat until she explodes if you let her and another that has to be coaxed into eating in the same house was a real pain in the ass. I had to quarantine him during meal time or she would eat his…

And absolutely unprofessional.

I had another cat who like mandarin oranges. I once caught him with his arm in an open can. I stopped to watch just to see what would happen and he pulled a wedge out with one claw. It was actually pretty impressive.

Not to diminish eating disorders in humans, but if this cat was one he probably would have been diagnosed anorexic. I didn’t try EVERY brand but I tried a lot and this was all he would eat. And he was still painfully skinny.

I grew up watching my father treat my mother with little respect and belittling her frequently. It was literally decades before I overcame that socialization and realized that she’s not lame, but actually a way better and stronger person than my father ever was.

I have a “I want whatever you’re eating” cat. “If she’s eating it, it must be good.” I once lost my temper and yelled “IT’S SALAD, YOU MORON!! You only think you want it because I’m eating it!”

I just cancel my appointment and don’t make anymore. No one has ever followed up.

I keep a running list of the people I’m going to haunt when I die and the directors of places that did this are all on it. In my field an on-site interview invariably involves air travel, taking at least two vacation days from current job, and preparing a presentation. When candidates do that but you decide you don’t…

What’s with Fancy Feast? So many people saying their cat will also only eat Fancy Feast. Do they put crack in it or something? I had no idea this was so common.

I thought they had discontinued my litter recently and I was really worried until the store explained it was just a shipping mishap and they had it a week later.

My Fancy Feast eater lived to 18 and took no meds except for old cat arthritis stuff.

My poor abused kitty cat lived to 18 on his “bad” diet and every vet appointment involved the vet marveling over what great health he was in for such an old dude.