To be fair, nobody reads Jezebel for the critical thinking. You come either to have your beliefs validated, or you come to hate-read.

Studies have shown a direct correlation between the amount of porn one watches and one's level of overall sexual satisfaction.

I only see Emma Watson.

I always feel like I honor my ancestors more by staying functional all day and giving the sloppy amateurs in neon green shamrock bikini tops the side eye. (Not judging girls for wearing what they want to - but it is March and it is New York - it's cold out! Irish knit sweaters are meant for that weather.)

I'm starting to think its something IN THE KALE.

Plus, beer, wine and pasta are all far too tasty to give up so I can be that thin. But I can consume those things in moderation, still exercise, and continue to be healthy.

Kale salad goes in. Word salad comes out. You can't explain that.

So, I want to start a shadow campaign to Fit Mom's that focuses on all the OTHER things "moms" could accomplish, other than attaining a very specific physical shape, if they stopped making excuses:

Psssst, kid. I had a cupcake for dinner. Because I'm an adult.

I was wondering if I was the only one who found this completely lacking in charm. If a three-year-old talked over me trying to mansplain something would learn some hard lessons. That child is going to be completely unbearable in ten years.

Seriously, that escalated quickly. What the fuck.

Yes. This kid probably learned this from some asshole who talks like this all the time.

After spending 2 hours in a Kindergarten class today, I can unequivocally tell you: This is not cute. Nope. Not even little.

Cute, until you wonder where he picked it up.

I have NEVER forgotten that I, Anonymous.

From a customer service standpoint, I can also say that customers pull this sort of shit *all the time* to get free stuff. "This garment has someone's deodorant/pubic hair/lipstick/sweat stains on it! Surely you can't sell it now, I'll take it off your hands for no charge. Or a similar item at a discount- you know,…

"All Pauline says she wanted was a little customer service."

Kinda seems to me like someone was lookin for a free swimsuit

Retail employees not impressed by customer's accidental encounter with body fluids. News at 11.

Anyone else see this lady's face and think, "There's someone who's never had an orgasm"?