Plus his hands are too tiny

My head just about exploded thinking about the epic showdown that would have happened if Schiano hit THIS guy with his car. Universe, please make it happen.

You forgot “#DefendNWA”, which for those of you who aren’t CBJ hockey fans has nothing to do with the gangsta rap group from LA. The marketing, which I think was actually pretty good, albeit incredibly sad, was basically “you have to come to the games or else all the visiting fans will outnumber us in our own arena”.

He got all huffy.

Arizona: Doing to hockey what we did to ice tea.

You know, my dad is far from perfect (in fact, there are a few things I haven’t quite let go of), but every article I read about Trump and his children makes me appreciate my dad more. Thanks for loving me the way a father is supposed to love his daughter, Dad! I can’t imagine the psychological toll this kind of…

The proceeds for the veterans will go through the Trump Foundation whereby the terms of the donation is that the veterans group will have to use it to rent a space at one of Trump’s properties at an inflated rate.

Christ guys, are you trying to hand West Virginia and Arkansas to Trump!?

Oh YEAH? I heard that Hillary FORCED Chelsea to suck on her breasts for YEARS.

Look, how else is a man supposed to compliment his daughter when the only compliments he knows how to give any woman are that he finds her attractive enough to have sex with?

Nah. Pre-2004 you guys were kind of fun. “Grr Yankees” you’d say.

No no no. I’m a Sox fan, we’ve always been assholes too. We just went from “self-pitying assholes” to “Obnoxious chest-thumping assholes.” BIG difference.

In fairness, if any DH is ever going to be allowed into the HoF it should probably be Ortiz, and if he isn’t fit then I struggle to ever imagine a DH that would be.

I would root for the Red Sox to win the World Series, but I’m afraid that kind of success would cause the Boston sports fan base to lose the generosity and good natured friendliness that they are famous for, and turn them into a bunch of loud, obnoxious, arrogant, fuck butts.

Counterpoint: No.

Extra crispy.

“Tiffany is a tremendous young woman with a big and beautiful heart. She was always a great student and a very popular person no matter where she went. I am incredibly proud of Tiffany and how well she has done. — DJT.”

You’re underestimating how much his supporters REALLY REALLY want to have brown people know their fucking place again.

So let’s ruminate over the fact that, if we had just gotten our shit together, if the country was even marginally less racist and sexist and if the climate of American politics was even slightly less idiotic, we might have gotten a President Michelle Obama.