Excellent point, that. I’ve watched people in court fuck themselves over all day long because they have no support system, and either no or awful representation. Shit that a RP wouldn’t even show up for, and never feel the consequences of.

That’s fair but I’d expand on that to say sometimes NRPs don’t do it because they have a conscience, but probably more often don’t do it because of the fear of the consequences.

OK, people, in my never-ending quest to quantify everything into easy to understand generalizations, this story feeds into the one that goes like this:

I am way too lazy and late to care if anyone else already said this,but, “starring in what will likely be one of the biggest movies of the summer”?

No Goddamn it we can’t. NOTHING makes killing easier than a gun. Not a knife or a car or a rock or any other fucking thing you’re about to fucking suggest.

More importantly, why are Nutjobs always so bad at spatial orientation? You shoulda been able to tell right after you painted the “F” that you were no way gonna fit “uck you Obama” into the remaining space, much less the brilliant yet subtle middle finger graphic (which will clearly be the icon for their mobile app,…

OK, my super-old website is janky, dated, and ridiculously amateurish. But my thoughts on Nancy Grace from a decade ago are as relevant today as cookie dough poisoning is. Enjoy:

Just think how much better I’ll be at masturbation, porn acquisition, and drunkening myself after this advice!

Nothing says “We got our shit together” like having this contest notification appear on Deadspin mainpage a day after the deadline.

Girl wins race. All other girls commenting on it act exactly like the bros they deride .

Pretty sure that kid went from lovable child star to heroin addicted nutcase when he played a car-thieving cop-non-digging punk on an episode of CHiPs. He corrupted Chris Knight Goddammit!

Finally, the recognition I so richly deserve.

We can agree that I generally refrain from it but in this case was going for a bit of extremism to make my “I’ll be back...” a little more of a dry humor.

We’ll just have to agree to disagree. I’m a pretty good judge of both fatness and certainly ugliness, since I confront both on the daily when I look in the mirror.

Suck it Abigail Fisher, you fat, ugly, stupid, bigoted, not-smart-enough-to-get-in-on-your-own-merits bitch.

Pinch runner(s)!? Are you FUCKING INSANE?! Just put the lead off batter that inning on second you madman.

Obligatory:

I don’t know about the disposable Dorco stuff, but I use a safety razor, and whenever I want to slash my face into a horror movie mess (in case Obama throws me into a FEMA camp and then wants to parade me around on his propaganda TeeVee channel) I always load up a Dorco.

I don’t know about the disposable Dorco stuff, but I use a safety razor, and whenever I want to slash my face into a…

I once smashed a line drive into the nuts of a friend of mine during a beer softball league. He literally lost a nut. Gave zero fucks.

Lebron is 31 years old.