I've boycotted Indiana since birth and never regretted it.

Look at that kid's eyes. That right there is a kid who's college days are over. I hope he was a dick, so that at least it's karma. Either way, his ass is guaranteed ruined.

I think the joke is in how fast Russia would get it's borscht kicked in the event it ever fired on a Danish ship.

I remember when Albert was accused of chasing children who had egged his house with his Ford Explorer or what have you.

I humbly offer a compromise to a related issue:

I have a great friend who my meltdown happened with. It was years ago, so it's now occasional humor fodder and not much more, but at the time it was full on Kevin's mom.

True story:

Not a punchline? Don't tell me, my wife, or any of my friends that, we crack Taken jokes pretty much non-stop, and this movie's trailer provided a veritable meme salad for us:

He's clearly a victim of the Bump-to-Me Google Extension.

Piece of toilet paper'll sop that right up until the period's over.

Polished brass!? Oh, God, the poor poor man!

1. Humanity

My dad had the Parkinsons and did re-take up smoking. Can't say that it hurt or helped since I got no idea how it would've gone without the smoking, but it sucked as bad as it can suck in any case.

I play Clash of Clans the same way-I'm never joining a clan.

"Kiss (Off The Glass)"

Why won't you people just hunt each other? You get the thrill of the "most dangerous game" (sport, indeed!), everyone else is rid of you, ivory stays on living elephants, and all the fuzzy and otherwise cute animals get to live (not snakes, because fuck them).

Shitheads like these make me want to bring back stocks in the public square.

whenever Marshawn's not on screen, all the other characters should be asking "Where's Marshawn"?

By the time the email author runs for president, he'll be as natural as Mitt Romney around us reg'lar folk.

I've always said you don't buy a "luxury" car once, you buy it two or three times.