I have a great friend who my meltdown happened with. It was years ago, so it's now occasional humor fodder and not much more, but at the time it was full on Kevin's mom.

True story:

Not a punchline? Don't tell me, my wife, or any of my friends that, we crack Taken jokes pretty much non-stop, and this movie's trailer provided a veritable meme salad for us:

He's clearly a victim of the Bump-to-Me Google Extension.

Piece of toilet paper'll sop that right up until the period's over.

Polished brass!? Oh, God, the poor poor man!

1. Humanity

My dad had the Parkinsons and did re-take up smoking. Can't say that it hurt or helped since I got no idea how it would've gone without the smoking, but it sucked as bad as it can suck in any case.

I play Clash of Clans the same way-I'm never joining a clan.

"Kiss (Off The Glass)"

Why won't you people just hunt each other? You get the thrill of the "most dangerous game" (sport, indeed!), everyone else is rid of you, ivory stays on living elephants, and all the fuzzy and otherwise cute animals get to live (not snakes, because fuck them).

Shitheads like these make me want to bring back stocks in the public square.

whenever Marshawn's not on screen, all the other characters should be asking "Where's Marshawn"?

By the time the email author runs for president, he'll be as natural as Mitt Romney around us reg'lar folk.

I've always said you don't buy a "luxury" car once, you buy it two or three times.

I can believe it. I worked an NHRA race once and those fans were like a ravenous plague-swarm. They took literally everything that had any race theme to it at all, even the cheap cardboard trashcans with generic cars printed on them. Banners were stripped from everywhere, it was crazy.

While on one hand I'm picking up what you're puttin' down, on the other hand, outside of this hairstyle on this night I have never seen this particular girl, Zendaya, display the slightest trace of her black heritage. She might as well be Anne Hathaway.

What the hell did Cliff Richard do?!?

Man, I despise Ped Penn State and their smug molester-harboring boosters, and I am outraged, I tells ya, at the way they were let off the hook by the spineless NCAA like serial pederasty never happened.

Or Belize. I made eye contact with the local law while literally being handed a large bud, sans any kind of packaging, from a local.