YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT IT’S NOT A GOAL.

Keep in mind that the line is painted under a few inches of ice. This can cause, when viewing from an angle as we are in this shot, the parallax effect that “positions” the puck in such a way that it even creates the illusion of white space between the puck and the line, when in actuality what we’re seeing is the…

I misread the headline as “mischievous dog”.

Nah, it’s not that San Diego is an obscure city. It’s a lovely city! It’s that the Padres are a complete afterthought of a baseball team.

Same thing happened to Mary Kay Letourneau.

Comes from an island. Islands have sand. Sand is gritty. Checks out.

I once encountered a young Samoan man who was 6'2" and at least 200 pounds, with noticeably well-defined musculature. I figured him for 18 or 19.

The “Jesus Christ, I Hope He Stopped Growin’!” Samoan?

I’m just here to see who plays the worst “ryhmes with Samoan” card.

As bad of a look as it is, the gun is nothing compared to the white belt.

It’s not harmless, it’s misogynist, bullying bullshit. Parents don’t own their kids and fathers don’t get to control their daughters’ sex lives with violence.

My Daughter has dated her boyfriend for over a year

Lamb Vindaloo - a handful of frozen spinach thawed for 55 seconds, the dinner cooked almost all the way, add to the bowl with the spinach, cook another 50 seconds, top with plain yogurt or sour cream. So good.

Chicken tikka masala. Not Indian restaurant good, but great for lunch. Of course my microwave now permanently smells like it, but a small price to pay!

Try the Thai Chili Lime Cashews my friend.

#27 should have been “navigating a Trader Joe’s parking lot,” which I guess would be the same as “getting hit by a car.”

11. Parmesan pastry pups

Your lack of miniature crispy chocolate chip cookies has made you dead to me. DEAD.

Wait, have we pivoted from “getting hit by a car” to “shoot me fucking dead?”