Conspicuously missing from the list:

How did Washington’s lawyers gain access to my browser history?

I judge you.

I love the Ewoks. Judge me. I don’t care.

Wrong, they are called TIE fighters because they look like bow ties.

But rubbing a bar of soap between your arsecheeks isn’t? But then ya’ll always got the audacity to ask a black person why their skin is so smooth.

you clearly are not from texas

I imagine the family picture has everyone wearing khaki’s and matching sweaters.

2015 AFC SOUTH PARTICIPANT

I can help, Brian. Just tell your missus tonight when you see her that every so often you want to go to Chipotle with your colleagues, and you’ll let her know when so she doesn’t have to pack you lunch on those days. She’ll not only be totally fine, she is probably thinking right now, “You know it would be nice to not…

[sees horrible injuries inflicted on collie]

WTF? He crosses into oncoming traffic and then stops in front of her, and barely gets touched!

Critical Massholes.

@BillSimmons

Then you come across a photo of what D-Mac actually looks like which can only be described as a hamster with glasses

I wouldn’t call them overalls as much as I’d call them around-somes.

It’s going to be a money pit. But $5k a year for 5 years is a touch hyperbolic. And like you said in your comment below, you’d have to spend a lot more to get something as interesting as this.

As a Houston resident, Dallas is a constant source of stress relief. It’s like having a brother you never really connected with as kids who later got convicted of selling child porn. We win by default. Our fly-ridden hell hole is modern, cultured and nuanced because, compared to Dallas, it is!