I was still blown away that some unnamed AFC team was asking prospects, “If required, are you willing to claim that you were, in fact, misidentified as a 77 year old white male, who was spotted frequently at a specific massage parlor?”

Holy Shit.

This happens more than you'd think. More so among National League owners who refuse to employ designated hitters.

This dumb dumb team. This goddamn Fyre Festival of a sports franchise.

A spokesman for Roger Goodell says the commissioner will indeed take action, and that he was not previously aware of the video.

I know Jake Delhomme didn’t play for the Cardinals, but spiritually, I really feel like we should add him to this list.

Perfect metaphor for America right now. Nobody but a fucking asshole wants the president we have, and nobody but a fucking asshole wants to see this team in another Super Bowl. Just one more thing to endure.

Cheer up. You probably always make the short list.

Oh, you didn’t know that in addition to being a creep with gossamer-thin skin, Bauer is also fervently “pro-life”?

Ref immediately called for icing. 

Could the Raptors flip him?

Most definitely designed - we use to do this in high school, but we also sucked, so it never worked, because no one was ever on third base.

I know things look promising right now, but Caps fans know there’s still an opportunity to blow this.

“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

I was a goaltender for 20+ years so I’ll try to explain the best I can. Though it might be long.

Which one’s which?

Cue the people who will be trying to make jokes about this awful topic...

LANDED WRONG AND ITS FUCKING TURNED 90 DEGREES TO THE LEFT AND HES SCREAMING AND EVERYONE WALKS AWAY HOLDING THEIR STOMACH. HES DEAD. HE FUCKJNG DIED

The weirdo