God I’m gonna miss Barry O

I traded Drew Peterson and Joran Van Der Sloot for Trump in my keeper Fantasy Sleaze League. I struck while they were hot, but I was playing the long game and knew it was a YUGE win for me. Just an amazing, amazing deal.

Ophthalmologist: Something wrong?

Let’s cut the guy some slack on his day off. It’s not easy being a St. Louis policeman.

“Hey, that’s awesome! Congr...”

Count the motherfucking clauses in that sentence. Forget the horrifying shit show that was the topic, any editor who let that damn clusterfuck out the door should be fired on the spot for that alone.

Dear Johnny, I meant to write you sooner but I’ve just been busy
You said your girlfriend’s living with you now, how far from home is she?
Look, I’m really flattered you came by the stadium like that,
And here’s an autograph for you, it’s on the front of the Dallas cap
I’m sorry I didn’t see you week 16, I musta missed you
…

Not a fan of John Scott the enforcer, but I absolutely love John Scott the human being. This was an incredible moment. He even earned the MVP! For the record, the NHL didn’t put him on the MVP ballot either. Fans wrote him in and he won anyway. Suck it, Bettman.

Bettman should thank whatever God he believes in that Scott didn’t club him over the head with the trophy and then run over his body with the car.

He’s reportedly half-thrilled to get the chance to coach Colin Kaepernick.

It’s customary to put the defendant’s name second.

Thanks to showing the Sixers what a block looks like, they may forego tweeting him and try to sign him instead.