Tell your daughters to stay far away from fraternity houses and members. Also, not joining a sorority would help. They do so much together.

Why do sagging pants bother people so much? What’s the big deal? The look they’re complaining about doesn’t even show your ass, it shows boxers once sagged, so what’s the terrible objection to it?

i was zatanna two years ago and spoke backwards to any kid that recognized me

I live right across “Captain America”... As my 5 years old neighbor REFUSE to wear anything else. He started going to school and is devastated that he can’t wears his complete suit to school, so we pitched in and found a great backpack online that look like the shield, and all his friends on the street decided on Hero…

You could say that I have issues...

How could these ladies not feel safe? I mean, The Flash is on patrol!

Why exactly do these young women need a ‘manager’?

In other words: “Boring, Wealthy, Basic seeks same”?

Shit, depending on the area there are apparently full-bore strip clubs that serve some actually rather decent food that’s free with the cover charge.

Also, food from Hooters is objectively terrible and their wings are mediocre at best.

I’ve always been a big fan of hers. I saw her graciously beat Vera Zvonareva (who threw tantrums throughout the entire match) several years back. She will be missed by the sport but I’m happy to see her go out on a high note.

Useless movie nerd fact: Ripley from the Alien franchise was originally written as a man. Now she's one of cinemas greatest asskickers.

One trembles to imagine the string of ex-girlfriends reading that story and breathing a silent prayer of relief that this fuckwidget has finally been semi-stopped.

You know, if I was God, that story would make me love you more. “That kid has chutzpah!”

My Jewish parents attended mass given at the Vatican by Pope John Paul II. I asked why, and my dad told me he was hungry and wanted the cracker.

Your solution, I assume, is forcing the government to force radio stations to play the songs, which is the opposite definition of a free society.

Sing along!

What a great song.

I rarely say this about people. But she deserves all the bad karma that is heading her way right now. That video was so mean and vicious, it actually made me cry. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. And like so many women with the disease, I struggle with my weight. It’s like I woke up in a different body. I went from…