I guzzle $8 bottles of TJ wine within minutes of arriving at home. Please tell me this is normal.

It is when you realize that “cellar” is just a pretentious way of saying “forgot about in my basement.”

“yeah, get hooked on prescription meds like the rest of america.” - Signed The DEA

The Iraq, such as.

Not so fast, Tom. She had a long career as Bill Clinton’s safety.

Had a lochtite alibi

Depends on what the wizard is hunting

Hey, when you waste all your mana healing your dumb ass teammates, you gotta have some kind of backup.

Just because you can read does not mean you’re smart. People can read the tag on their blow dryer that says, “Do not use while showering” but not understand the words.

Don’t don’t not touch them. How’s that?

When people refer to moves like this as “Orwellian” it really makes me think people need to spend more time reading books and less time playing video games.

A “choice to alter his destiny,” huh? They must’ve cut the epilogue where he realizes that the forest is pretty boring and he’s actually going to go kill thousands of people after all.

Sometimes I regret that there’s no more #cotd. This is one of those times. So, have all the stars:

I’m just (not at all) stunned that Shaun White is a complete douchebag

Already tried this tack. Nobody gives a shit so long as they get their cheap night out. Bunch of fucks all around but not one given.

Maybe I’ll make a male-only sarcastic comment compilation, so more attention gets paid to this vastly underrepresented demographic.

You think Durant screams OKC a lot? Try waterboarding a Spaniard.