The only surprising thing about a Jets draft pick is that Idzik the Iceberg makes up his mind before the team's allotted time expires.

You're probably not using it wrong, just incompletely. Try using it to share awesome stuff you're doing AND nude body parts. Otherwise, it's only a matter of time before you get called out for violating their terms of service.

Snapchat is one thing, but Hippiechick was referring to this part of the above declaration:

I know. That's what I was getting at with my "hugely productive" comment. Mariota's numbers are fantastic. I'm sure Chip Kelly would kill to get him, but murder alone will not move his Eagles far enough up the draft board to make that possible.

Seriously. Not only have I never asked a woman for a "tit shot," it's never occurred to me to do so. And I like tits as much as the next man.

WTF? Straight guy here. I'm pretty sure I've never asked for a tit shot from any woman, Internet or no.

I agree. I've had about half a dozen women or so specifically ask me for nude pics and I've told them all it is never going to happen. And this is PRECISELY the reason for my demurral. One woman was so insistent she threatened to take a photo of me in the shower, but backed down after I told her if she snapped the…

Does constantly being told "I hate what you wrote about my favorite team/player and I hope your head is crushed by a falling piece of masonry" qualify as Twitter harassment?

I'm not a Jets fan, but if I was a GM and could choose between Winston and Mariotta, I'd take the Oregon kid all the way. Hugely productive and while not as physically gifted as Winston, a much safer pick, in my opinion. Winston's "character issues" are the sort likely to be amplified by large amounts of money and…

I've never been on Snapchat because my life is awesome, but I was under the impression that such things were pretty common on Snapchat. Not so?

Goldens eat faster than anything I've ever seen. I had a golden for over 12 years and when cancer killed him, I got another golden. I'm sure both of them could down 10 pounds of raw meat faster than a lion.

All this talk about Buddha and Jesus Christ in the trailer is ironic, right?

I'm sure I speak for no one but myself:

Do you really think ABC execs had a meeting about this? 'Cause this reads to me like an obvious plant — a story "leaked" to the press to drum up interest in the show. Were I a betting man, I'd bet ABC execs are nervous about ratings and nothing else.

Making the victims "frat-boy jerks" doesn't make a bad movie good. It's torture porn. Roth wanted to make a western "Audition" but he's too stupid and talentless to do it. And "Audition" itself, while effectively creepy, wasn't good enough to merit such worshipful emulation.

I liked "Cabin Fever." Roth's descent into torture porn is vile, but it fairly approximates his actual personality.

Also wanted to point out that Eli Roth only directed a fake trailer for a fake movie called "Thanksgiving" in "Grindhouse." He didn't actually direct "Grindhouse." Robert Rodriguez directed one part of "Grindhouse" and Quentin Tarantino directed the other. They threw in some fake trailers for fake movies and those…

I'm not watching that.

I'm developing an app that will cause any device I'm using to explode into shrapnel if it accesses any information about Will Smith's offspring. It will be priced at $17,999.00 and I expect to sell at least 400 million of them.

I don't know how much lithium you're using, Mr Burneko, but it isn't enough. Not nearly.