I mean seriously, what can’t this thing do?

And Astroglide was originally intended for use when cooling space shuttles. Also,

Likely story. Jason - and all of Jalopnik - has been in the pocket of Big Otter Jizz for years now.

I could get a good look at a comment by sticking my head up a Jalopnik’s ass, but I’d rather take the Star’s word on it. 

5th Gear: At this point I’m hoping to catch the Coronavirus so I can die and not have to here about every new case of it from the guy I share an office with. The bonus is that hopefully he will catch it too.

Maybe inappropriate, yet I can’t help but think of this, and Dumbledore’s words of wisdom to Harry: “This mirror gives us neither knowledge or truth.  Men have wasted away in front of it, even gone mad.”

If you read the Hobbit after Lord of the Rings, you won’t like it as much.

Don’t be silly, Christopher Reeve wears glasses*, Superman doesn’t wear glasses.

“Unless you want to get cute and cite something like E.T. or Mrs. Doubtfire, there aren’t a lot of movies about divorce.”

Was the 25lbs of pulled pork and cornbread in one sitting? If so, might wanna add that to your profile too

The window sticker listing FSD and other options the dealer got from Tesla when they bought the car from them is pretty clear evidence that Tesla acknowledges that the car was sold to the dealer with those options.

man, I even put the ‘s’ at the beginning of the post so people like you wouldn’t have a rage stroke before you got to the ‘/s’ at the end.

I see Tesla is now doing with their cars what I used to do with my Bumble profiles. See, I’m not technically lying — you see, I used to be a chiseled, rippling mass of 6'4" muscle.

Oh it'll probably brick itself without regular communication with a certain server. Something like that. 

I’m mad about it and it didn’t even happen to me..... This is pretty horse shit... Essentially Tesla messed up and sent out a car with features it shouldn’t have had, then remotely disabled them.... nah that’s crap. They messed up, they need to eat the cost.

This should be a cautionary tale— Tesla is clearly telegraphing intent to “make life miserable” for owners once these cars go off warranty and off support. Parts will get hard and “keeping the functions I paid for” will get even harder.

Well written, smart, fair piece. Hope you don’t get roasted for it.

The whole “minivans are uncool” thing is ridiculous on it’s face. You ceased being a cool person when you had kids, buying a tarted up wagon with plastic wheel arches isn’t going to fool anyone. Just get the damn minivan, it’s the best tool for the job.

When will we get to a time where people stop panicking over media hype of bullshit viruses like this... jezus fuck... the basic flu kills 10,000+ people every year and because this news stems from China and is blown up by our mindless media outlets people freak out. If they had stated “the flu” and not added a coole…

This isn’t even a debate.