Did Peter Thiel buy the team or something? 

Also Mr. President, sir, you are a big doody head.

The Booger Mobile not being sponsored by Mucinex is a shocking missed opportunity for cross-promotional synergy.

It’ll be like a love letter a stalker writes to his victim from prison.

I wonder if he took his special flag with him. Asshole.

“...a ‘no toes in the eye' rule.”

Maybe she can take over for Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

I’ll bet 99% of the injuries on this list were directly preceded by someone yelling “HEY, CHECK THIS OUT!”

SMASHED PENIS IN BETWEEN TWO WHEELBARROWS

To replace him, Cincinnati will hire a guy named Marty Lewis, who bears a striking resemblance to Marvin except for a mustache.

I guess Colin Cowherd was right about the dancing.

I didn't know Callista Gingrich was a football fan.

Have they considered kicking more? 

It’s like both teams were shaving points.

Dana White looks like Ryan Reynolds having an allergic reaction to a bee sting.

“SLIPPED & FELL ON WET FLOOR AT HOME & ALSO HAS HAD SEX TOY STUCK IN VAGINA FOR 8 MONTHS”

I feel like the refs should've flagged that play.  I didn't notice any fouls, but Cleveland successfully running a play like that HAS to be against the rules somehow.

Grantland indeed!

Here is a picture of my cat in a necktie. Discuss.