OMG I’m sorry to hijack, but I had to screenshot (screenshoot?) and post this response because it made me fucking laugh. Don’t make fun of Sharon, she is being oppressed you capitalist robot!

I work at a department store and it is mind-boggling what people will bring in.

I have a recent poop story!!!!! Me! Me!

I LOVE HER. some people may think it’s overly simplistic, but i love her type of physical humor. her hands and body are so animated it kills me. and anytime she hosts SNL they are some of my favorite skits!

There are no fucking words after that, none. He’s finished, done. I’ve heard some attempted defences of people over the course of the post-Weinstein saga but never anything so extraordinarily disregarding of what actually happened as this with Tarantino wanting to be a pedant about the legal definition of rape all of…

You had me at ”...the semen-hued thespian,” Michael.
Me, and my last gasps for breath.

...typically reserved for... love songs to Drew Barrymore...

I was literally polishing off a small bag of Cool Ranch doritos as I read this and had reached the “tipping the bag into mouth for crumbs” section right at that goddamn paragraph.

I particularly enjoyed 5FootAssassin’s opener:

I will take any and all opportunities to brag that I’ve met Shirley Manson, along with Duke, Butch, and Steve, and they are all incredibly kind, gracious, and caring. The first time I met them I took the opportunity to tell them their music had truly saved my life, and Shirley gave me a hug, then Steve followed, then…

The only way to stop a bad Crock-Pot with a gun is a good Crock-Pot with a gun.

Spoilers: Jack didn’t die from the fire, he got out safely, but then he was shot to death. The camera pans out to show his killer: another Crock-Pot holding a shotgun.

‘You literally look like you wake up and die everyday...’

Short can be adorable - Taylor Lautner and Greg Davis are just big dog and puppy while filming “Cuckoo”.

feeding them Tide Pods