Don’t eat those: they’re dog treats!!

I worked at a pizza place that had walnuts in the pesto, we were all told about it many times, part of the training, yadda yadda yadda. One of our servers was really bad at her job, but a super cute French African beauty, and she told someone who asked because they were deathly allergic that there weren’t any nuts in…

I feel like between this and Bobby Jindal’s work of pure idiocy the other day, the New York Times Op-Ed section is turning into thoughtcatalog.

If she has children with Joe Magniello, we won’t be able to look directly at them. Like the sun.

Shit interviewer? Haha. Completely. But sometimes he is so shit he makes someone else look brilliant. RICHARD I LOVE YOU.

What the hell happened to Jen’s hand here? Gangrene? Henna gone bad? Evil spell cast by Angie?

5 year olds and 18 year old girls should be able to show their shoulders. It’s friggin hot in Texas and the 5 and 18 year old boys will just have to deal with it.

Judging you. ;)

Bud Light: Why Not? I Really Do Love You

WHY DOES THIS NOT HAVE MORE STARS

believable

That story about the woman who got doused with red wine? I had a similar experience and similarly laughed it off. As a server was setting a nice large martini (with a lemon twist, not an olive) in front of me his hand trembled for some reason and the whole thing went down the front of my shirt. The look of horror on…

since there’s been a lot of well-deserved church-goer bashing, this reminds me of a story my pastor told. One Sunday at the church he was attending, after the service was over, there was a couple who went outside and stood away from the building and lit up cigarettes. This was WAY before the 25-foot rule, and all that…

“the only way she’ll learn not to be an asshole in restaurants is if I take her to eat out and teach her the rules”

It works. That’s what I did with my kids so they could learn how to be civilized and order their own food and such.

We also traveled a lot, to the point where once when we were deplaning either in/on a…

Two things jumped out at me:

Little Ceasar’s is a deadly weapon. I wouldn’t feed it to someone else (pretty sure that is against the Geneva Conventions), but I have threatened to eat one of their bacon-wrapped abominations before going over to a friend’s place. I essentially held their bathroom hostage, and they had no choice but to meet my…

YESSSSS!!! Karma in all it’s glorious splendor!

I’m a little late but here goes. I worked in a Gay Dennys in Arizona and soon after gay marriage became legal, I had the most adorable elderly couple of men, one white, one black. They were seated at the counter and had on these beautiful leis. I asked if I could feel the real flowers and asked what the occasion was.…

I once had a customer who ordered a cheeseburger with Swiss but got cheddar. When the mistake was realized, I apologized and offered her a free cookie. She replied, “Honey, if this is the worse thing to happen to be today, then I’ve got a pretty good life.” After getting bitched at by stuck up college kids and…

I wonder what it’s like to live in a world where every good thing that happens is because of God and everything bad is the result of Satan being personally out to get you. It sounds exhausting, constantly believing in your own massive significance to the universe against all evidence to the contrary.