We already knew he was a monster for emotionally manipulating and abusing underage girls, but he was out there spreading herpes too??? This dude can’t get locked up fast enough, or long enough. 

And I’m guessing your parents are probably decent folks as well, so if you had called them to say that you were being asked to leave school after the day had ended because you were being a dumbass, your parents would have told you to stop being a dumbass and leave school.

Well, that’s because they were the first two Presidents with the real technological ability to do so. I can’t say that Al Gore, given the stimulus of 9/11, wouldn’t have gotten into some serious digital snooping (obviously not saying he’s the same or would have acted the same as GWB, just that he would’ve been given…

Ask and you shall recieve:

protested the school’s “disrespect” for students’ First Amendment rights.

I feel that way about Norman Reedus. I imagine he’s probably a decent guy who bathes regularly, but he always manages to look like he just spent a weekend partying in an old warehouse.

Not really related, but I usually don’t drool over actors anymore—you get to a certain age and it’s like, “whatever”—but man, he is pretty in the same way that Michael Hutchence was.

I’d add a fireproof lockbox for your super important stuff like birth certificates, titles, etc. And if you can put a picture of Al Gore on it for the super dated joke, even better.

Basketball is like nascar. It’s meaningless back and forth and nothing matters until the last five minutes.

Not five minutes ago I just donated 2 boxes of the 6 I bought to my department’s junk food corner. It also contains some kind of cheap donuts and, weirdly, some Little Debbie snack cakes. There’s also a giant jar of assorted candy.

Everyone knows the best way to file things is to put all your paperwork loosely into a drawer or basket.

Okay, you lost me here:

You’re out of your mind if you think Donald Trump has ever read a children’s book to his children. Aside from the fact that the man is a self-avowed ‘non-reader,’ he also doesn’t strike me as the type of person who is comfortable with loving and caring emotions - even towards his own flesh and blood.

I never realized Silicon Valley was in Florida. Learn something new every day. 

wut? Man I’m 35 and married with a mortgage and car and all that shit. I do not have jack shit organized. I get like a big envelope and put the year’s tax shit in there and dump it in my desk at the office so it isn’t in the way at home. Every three years I shred the oldest tax shit.

Pretty sure Drew now wants to exact vengeance on you. 

During the reception the groom apparently didn’t like the way the new bride was dancing with other guys and started yelling at her. He then called her some form of whore and began trying to tear the dress off her. She swung wildly. Security (which were our hires), separated them and kicked everyone out to the parking…

There is so much more to know here! Did they get married and THEN end up in the parking lot fighting? When you say “ended with them being separated” - is that in the physical AND legal sense? “The” ring? Did the groom end up with the engagement ring? Or are we talking wedding bands here?

Also one time we hosted a wedding where the bride and groom got into a huge fight and it ended with them being separated in the parking lot and him chucking the ring at her, before the bride announced she’d be taking the limo and going clubbing with her bridesmaids. Love is truly wondrous.