The officials got it wrong.

“Do you know how many people I killed in ‘Nam?”

3rd Gear:

Or any other kind.

You'd think in all that time, he'd have learned you could also hold the runner, too.

It’s a good thing it’s prohibited by the Constitution, because there is no punishment cruel or unusual enough for this man.

Sounds like that officer has declared kanly on Taylor, or something.

Needs a mushroom cloud, somehow.

“Only God can judge me” = “Fuck you, peons, I’m better than you.”

Any idea if Larry Brown is available? Pay him enough, he’ll do anything.

Aw, Mazda still thinks people tow things with a CX-5? How cute...

Nice play on words, there, Slick.

I’m rooting for city councils to ban all of these people.

This car’s exterior looks like it was designed with a graphics card from a SNES. 

It’s easy to tell which team’s announcers were which during the video clip. 

You people have fun with those, I’ll be over here eating my heart out with envy. #brokeasajoke

That reminds me, I need to flip the scallops...

Sorry, we need to make it as big as possible. Make it swell, even.

A lawyer who represents him/herself has a fool for a client.

“That man was owed millions of dollars and wanted to buy a house.”