Television is what old coaches do while waiting for their agents to call with a new job offer.

“Nobody’s watching. Nobody cares.”

3rd Gear: I’ve been looking at the Civic as an option for my next car. Any thoughts on whether or not producing more of them in America will actively bring the price down? My money is on, “Not much.”

Any David Luiz-supplied comedy shall inevitably come at his own expense.

“You don’t call your own fouls--your name isn’t Michael Jordan.”

Simmons.

Take a star. Hell, take ALL the stars.

“Thank you, come again.”

She’s going to feel a new piece of jewelry or maybe a car, for sure.

Eh, whatever.

Just roll with it. With any luck, you’ll be immortalized in meme form.

If they did, their food purveyor has some ‘splaining to do.

Married to an ex-Baptist. Can confirm, not surprising at all.

“(A)fter two weeks of prayer contract haggling, he decided to hire him.”

Down, boy...

I was just thinking about the differences in the cars between now and when Cale Yarborough won his final Daytona 500 (which is about the last time I cared about NASCAR) in 1984. It’s like they shouldn’t even pretend anymore, frankly. 

Never underestimate the lust for power. I mean, the guy is a preacher, after all, and that oftentimes leads to a god complex in its own right.

He makes a great point about the CPD: What do they have to gain by lying and therefore smearing Smollett’s name? 

Well, at least is was HuffPo, so she wasn’t paid anything. /s

I say make golfers play the whole course using only barbecue skewers as clubs. And put the pin on top of Everest.