@Jonathan Cooper: I'm using the same program as you (I suspect), I enter my starting weight and some other information, and how many pounds a week (0.5 - 2) you want to lose, and it calcuates how many calories a day you need to eat to lose that much and the date you should reach your goal.

@Death_By_SnuSnu: KHAAAANNN!!!!!

Sigh, wish I could nominate one. I'm not happy with any of them.

@Way to go, Nuffle: One of the local homeless shelters is airing ads featuring a little kid talking about his family living in a van. Is it evil that my mind automatically appends "down by the river" every time he says it?

@YankBoffin: Sorry YankBoffin, Vise Grips are their own Chinese knock-off now. They closed the DeWitt, Nebraska plant that produced them exclusively in the USA in 2008 (I worked there summers as a teen and had a brother and sister who worked there for years). Even before then, parts of the production had been moved to…

@Anekanta - Re-Socialized Killbot: I did the same thing, with a copy of the works of Sun Myung Moon. She was a rather large woman, toting children and the Watchtower, and I never saw anyone turn and leave so fast...

See dark matter?

Yeah, because Earth is the only planet that doesn't experience the same climate and weather planet-wide

@Thidrekr: 30 is hot

"Vodka and Mountain Dew is an emergency."

@Reginald Atkins: Oh I'll fry a few,

Keep looking, maybe they'll find a Raptor nearby.

@jordan314: They either duplicate functions already included by Apple, or require jailbreaking. Both options get Steve Jobs' panties in a bunch, and anything that gets the iPanties in a bunch is inherently evil.

@Mickets: I totally agree. I've gotten cereal with way too much Karl Rove in it, and... oh, you mean PREservatives...

@corpore-metal: Shot by jealous spouse (yours or theirs)

Yeah, and if I did that, anyone who got the outer ring slices would complain that all they got is frosting with just a little cake, and anyone who got the inner ring slices would complain they didn't get any frosting at all.

Wouldn't this be an inaction figure?

Someone needs to zap a few heads at Fox2000 with a sonic transducer, or some kind of audio-vibratory-physio-molecular transport device.

Why would he need eighty venoms? He's a platypus, he doesn't do much.

@TheGallow: Milk glands were derived from modified sweat glands - yeah, that creamy white goodness on your corn flakes is just educated cow sweat - so the platypus just sweats it out and it is held in the fur there for the little one to lick off.