If a ballplayer goes 5 for 5 with 4 homers and 10 runs batted in while wearing camouflage making it impossible for both the opposition and the crowd in attendance to see him did it really happen?

- The best berry is the Marionberry because it’s laced with crack cocaine.

Just a heads up, there are quite a few typos.

You say Petrino, and I say Pitino... Petrino, Pitino, Pitino, Petrino, let’s stick our dick where it don’t belong!

What? Who doesn’t put Kareem in GOAT conversation?

At least his initials are apt

I wonder what an athlete would do Murph in

No one cares about college rowing but like Donald Trump Jr., I rowed in college. (He was on the team at Penn for 1 year.) The standard by which rowers are judged is 2000 meters on the Concept 2 ergometer. The slowest guy on our team went 6:48. He was 5'10", 171lbs and iron deficient. Still, that score is butt. Donald…

At least catfish law is less strict down there.

You forgot to end with ‘,officer.’

If you gotta warm up some piss make sure it’s not your microwave. This guy gets it.

I’ve got a story about the Great Emu War of nineteen tickety two. I wanted to take the ferry over to Australia, so I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days the nickel had a picture of a bee on it. “Gimme five bees for a quarter,” you’d say. Anyway, the…

Given Storm’s history, give it a few hours and she’ll announce the death of her beloved colleague Todd Archer.

Athletes wearing branded apparel and saying a slogan in brief video clips, you say? I’m very sorry I’ve missed out on watching that, it sounds like a terrific way to spend time.

Your friend to you: “her name is Becki with an I. How is that not a deal breaker right there?”

then get down

The place isn’t racist. The customers, however....

My wife and my sister have creepily-similar names. I have never once said my wife’s name during sex.

Thanks for adding all of the words my clear, concise joke was missing.