Oh great, a thing happens? Thanks, Barsanti. My hopes for a Waiting For Godot tribute episode have been thoroughly spoiled.

So one of those Egg Council creeps got to you too, huh?

And if we’re just throwing around terms that have become so broad as to be meaningless, can we also describe him as a hipster and a millennial?

If it’s any consolation, those nearly 500 babies died in a good cause: letting Sonic go fast enough to run upside down around a big loop.

She used her most valuable yet underappreciated stealth power: relative shortness in a crowd of tall people.

What Did You Do in the War, Ghost Dad?

Two words: Silver Surfer.

Tom Holland, on the other hand, maintains his boyish looks because of gruelling contract-mandated drug treatments at the Shirley Temple Clinic.

Marvel really knocked it out of the park when they cast Paul Rudd. Apart from anything else, they’ll never need to expensively de-age him with CGI for flashbacks since he’s a functional immortal who has looked exactly the same for the past 20 years.

Marvel Studios head Kevin Feige on how he convinced everyone The Avengers mattered

You guys are acting like you’ve never seen a travel pillow made from a brown bear cub before.

I think it can’t help but feel a bit rushed towards the second half, when it’s trying to squeeze in a whole new cast and suggest all of Cap’s WW2 career in a series of montages and quick cuts. Steve Rogers is great as an earnest fish out of water in the 21st century, but I could also happily watch a whole flashback…

“HULK LAUGH THROUGH TEARS IN BLATANT OSCARS HIGHLIGHT REEL SCENE!”

I am SO GODDAMN OUTRAGED that I basically agree with most of this and don’t have a chance to write a sarcastic spittle-flecked list of all my problems with it.

Today in Grays Theater: a rebuttal from the Kanye Believers Alliance.

Sorry, but Kanye’s one-man church is bullshit. For that $225 he’s charging for a shirt, I could get at least 500,000 years off my time in Purgatory from the pre-Reformation Catholic Church.

If an Indiana senator ever inherits the desk, you can bet Sweetums will be all over that publicity opportunity.

[SPOILERS] According to leaked court documents detailing the planned ending of the show, it will turn out that the Stranger Things were actually just Friend Things we hadn’t met yet. This revelation will be followed by a group hug and a freeze frame.

BREAKING: Kessler has been joined in the idea theft lawsuit by a new co-litigant, Literally The Entire 1980s.