You would also be the exception to my deeply held belief that violence cannot be pardoned in a civilized society. I would grieve your jailing whilst know it was right, but know I would do the same.

You're thinking too small: if truly rich you will have a separate wing of the house each, but at the touch of a button, when the need for The Sex overcomes you, a silent and smooth conveyor belt will whisk the beds 300 yards to come together (as it were) in a central bedroom. Once done, after whatever pause you deem…

""lady Don Drapers," as the magazine calls them.

And yet no matter how unhygienic, she cannot seem to come down with a case of Being Taken Seriously.

Battle Bridge: disengage!

He's the Royal Fart Inhaler. Most of the old families have them: the chap has to inhale all of a pump, thus negating the smell and preventing social awkwardness. The job has a good salary and for the person with just the right mix of sexual pecadillos and lack of claustrophobia, is, one is told, rather pleasurable.…

Full disclosure: I am not as comfy with a modern real war setting for a game as I am with shooting aliens (Halo), but if pressed, and offered a menu of famous WW2 battles to play in for an hour, I'd likely be tempted: D-Day, Battle of the Bulge, Monte Cassino... but WW1? Verdun, Passchendaele, The Somme ... it's…

More pertinently, it seems even less fun than Corey Feldman's orgy party.

Un-manned my ass: all along they've been using amphibian pilots on these damn things. Now, thanks to a clumsily latched cockpit lever, the secret is out. And roasted. And spread over a few acres.

I just moved to an apartment with a washer/drier. Delighted by the novelty, I wash sheets every seven minutes and towels on the hour every hour. Tragically, this does not get me The Sex as I have kids and sleep only for a few minutes a night, to the reassuring sound of the tumble drier on low.

"I don't want to be too hard on the Daily Mail "

Great - now my desperate descent into being a total loser will be witnessed by some of those teen prodigies who are connected to a billion people and are richer than Croesus.

It's shite. I'm not a regular Jalopnik visitor but from what I see, I bet if you'd tasked the folks here to make something memorable from a rabbit head and a Charger it'd have been way smarter than that pish.

Here's another 28 words wasted on you: go away, troll. Thank God folks like you are dying off and will pass with the dismal end of the Express.

Are you not familiar with it, or do you know and like it? Serious question. It has served as a mouthpiece for casual bigotry, homophobia, racism and sexism for decades.

It's a vile relic of just about every sort of casual bigotry you can gather in the one newspaper. Thankfully it's on the way out.

And the forecast for today is a general depression, with some lack of surprise and later a confirmation of ageism and shitiness covering much of the world.

Very true: perhaps it was Prince Edward in a corgi outfit.

That would tie in with persistent reports that a corgi was wedged under the brake pedal ...

Was there an option for an Elfin Bob hair-style?