“Girl not smiling causes panic and handwringing.”

Two thumbs way up on the lead graphic there.

MY MOTHER HAD THIS BOOK AND I RELENTLESSLY PORED OVER IT, BOTH SCANDALIZING AND SOOTHING MY FAT, NERDY, 90s SELF.

Yup! That’s true—my cousin told me recently that my great-grandfather had given a few girls to a nearby farm family whose father couldn’t father children, as he’d been injured in WWI.

That, by the way, is how many children after WWI came about. http://www.spectator.co.uk/2013/08/a-secr…

I know the family he killed—a friend’s wife lost her entire family to this sniveling little shitrag, right before she got married. I hope his life is a long, long spectacle of misery.

Naps. The end.

I wish they would cancel Casual so I didn’t have to see the fucking ads for it anymore.

Acres...acres of forehead.

Mary Kay pink stuff. I swear to it by the sweet, creamy visage of my 62 year-old mother:

I understand that the church means a lot to people who grew up in it...but seriously...why do you want to be a member of a club that doesn’t want someone like you as a member?

Whoops misread—that’s what I get for doing some fun reading after a work-induced aneurysm.

Yes, I’m sure she fills the bells of all those Grammys with salty tears over all the success she didn’t have for not being skinny. So many tears.

Nobody...NOBODY...tells me to “put down your cake.” Not for anything.

Just a reminder, this is what it sounds like:

I’m totally blessed with fairly great skin (I never tanned and after my hormones evened out in early twenties, I get exactly one blemish a month. And my mom’s looks great for 62.), but I swear to every woodland spirit on sugar scrubs. No brand, no $$$s to shill out. Just plain sugar and water once a week.

Given the rate of mass shootings/gun deaths and total lack of any response whatsoever, I’m guessing abortion by gun would just be business as usual in good ol’ ‘Murica.. Try again, dumfuck.

my engagement ring:

Uh...by the looks of your nail beds...I regret to inform you that you may be dead.

Fun Fact: Tippi Hedren is the reason why so many nail salons are run by Vietnamese:

I hated Garden State because it ruined my favorite band.