I’ll take the dick, thanks.

It is. He’s retelling the story to Sidney, the shrink. I love all things M.A.S.H.

IT WAS A BABY!!!

I’ve was held for years in Snoopy’s underground sex bunker. It’s in the basement under his dog house. Woodstock has seen some shit, man...

Oh I’m well aware. I went to Roeper.

Why couldn’t he have set a Fieri on fire?

“But I know something about you...

To be clear, female hunters also have small penises.

Um. I think you mean the blonde nerdy guy from “Adventures in Babysitting”. There. Fixed that for you.

Right.... Because there are no rich assholes in Brooklyn....

Yes, but what about Hillman College?

You pronounce “Lager” like “Lagger”? Or do you pronounce “Bag” like “Log? This is all very confusing.

The anti-vaxers were finding viruses on their computers? They should really use some anti-virus technology....

Alouette Jaunty Plumed Beret!

6’ 7” here...... HELLS to the no!!! My space! MINE MINE MINE! I’ll fight for every inch of space I paid for.

Hey kid!..... You like fish sticks?

Maybe he was getting the "Aunt Jemima Treatment".

* It is simply bitters...

Says someone who has never been excommunicated from his family for being gay/dating a black guy/atheist.....