I only use one kind of screwdriver. Too bad it doesn't work on wood.

That's not a harmonica! That's a harmonica!

A Girl and Bear

You don't want to see it. I was there. There was a lot of really award people being really awkward. It was awkward.

How about making the world's GREATEST weather center????????

He subsequently expressed fear of ghosts, witches, and the dark, constantly talking about them and seeking reassurance.

Funny thing about liquids, I've never taken them out of my bag, and the TSA has never bothered me about (I fly often too).

I third all those in the thread that say Sneakers!

Obvs, it is all because they banned evolution, otherwise the pineapple could have grown feet.

From the Amethyst Initiative:

She's what you get when you google image search "caulk death"!

Funny I thought a looper was something else entirely...

Point taken, but who needs new livers or kidneys when you can get a new windpipe. Plus, I know this lady who was handed a pill by a doctor and she grew a new kidney!

Vat grown organs are almost within our grasps.

You will be upgraded!

Breaking news: Woman Caulks Herself to Death After Reading About Such Impossibilities on the Internet.

But will my monkey butler be able to distinguish between good whiskeys and bad ones?

It is a good meme. I've been trying to get this one to grow legs over on DeadSpin for years (you know like a baseball metaphor), but they just don't like cats.

That's not really the point of my comment. Tosh.0 is a racist misogynistic douche bag all the time. Often way worse than this. The post makes Jez look streets behind.

Breaking: Jezebel misses the entire point of Tosh.0's humor, universe explodes.