That's not how you paahk the caah.

I would much prefer to unf**k my habitat then unfilth it. F**king App Store.

Yeah, but give yourself a little credit - you get to feel superior to someone because they like something you no longer enjoy.

What's the name of your microbrewery?

Note for future versions: No eyeholes. A solid piece of armor ought to do the trick.

CDC: Coach, we're from the Center for Disease Control. We'd like to do a once-over on the locker room after the team leaves. Are y'all close to departure?

Fake. You can't slip a viral promo for The Bachelorette - New Jersey past me.

If it makes you feel any better, it's getting that way at every NFL venue.

First, before I make certain people angry at me: this man is a damned hero, and I'd be absofuckinglutely proud to salute this gentleman. Now for a correction: Marines are NOT soldiers. We're Marines. Members of the US Army are soldiers. Members of the US Navy are Sailors. Members of the US Marine Corps are…

What position do you play on the la crosse team?

O'Doyle Rules!

Been saving this creation for a long time.

Rivers: "Nnnnhh, peppermint roll!"

I have exactly zero shame in loving The Notebook. I can also comprehend that it is not a good movie. Yet I love it anyway, and I do not care what anyone thinks. It is entirely possible to recognize the utter awfulness of something yet love it anyway.