It took 39 years for Sage Rosenfels to earn the title his parents bestowed him at birth.

“Jerry Rodshoffer. 945 Summit St.

Another handy tip for avoiding Nazis on Twitter: don’t use Twitter.

Covfefe’s Law.

Sadly it’s a bar our current president couldn’t have jumped over; not just because he’s a fat lazy sack of shit that believes that physical activity drains your “life force” but also because he’s racist.

I definitely agree that this stuff has made me rethink about the anthem before sporting events. There really is no reason for it.

How does this happen? 

Dave Bliss has a coaching job, but Colin Kaepernick is a pariah? yeah that makes sense.

I’m trying to figure out what kind of dick goes golfing and comes back with a fucking fish.

what’s hilarious is that he probably meant to tip $12.87, but ended up “over tipping” due to his poor math.

Tebow responded:

Totally. I just want to be on tape non-chalantly snagging one while sipping a beer then flipping it to kid while I salute the fans and then proceed (hopefully, and I assume) to drink all the free beers that would be foisted upon me for being Marlon Brando levels of cool. hahahahaha

On hippo-related topics, did you know there’s a bunch of hippos that have gone feral in Colombia? They were brought over by Pablo Escobar.

Cleveland: “you motherfuckers want Demario Davis? I want a briefcase full of money and a car or he gets it. Something nice like a Ford Flex or a Tiburon. You have an hour.”

In related news, Bill O’Brien just received a package containing a poorly worded letter and one of Brock Osweiler’s toes.

Sounds like he may have been on an Ambien trip to me. That shit is scary.

This is a direct ripoff of my early nerdcore album, Black Chilcutt.

We are all, collectively, crushed under that elephant.

For a minute (before reading the entire story), I thought the headline was about the Republican party.

This feels, in part (and not wholly at all!) what happens when we actually shift everything to “the internet” and forget that actual work and things need to occur in addition to the no-work hype on social media.