I am awaited at KROGER, hickory and smoked! WITNESS!

"Something a bit smaller before we go back out into the wasteland.”

When calibrating the white balance on my new 4K HDTV, the test pattern was a photo of Weezer.

I wanted the reboot to be good, and Jackie Earle Haley tried his damnedest, but it ended up being the worst thing a horror film can be: bland and boring.

Refn himself said, "The original concept for the film was to make a movie about a man who wants to fight God." Julian being the man and Chang being God, or at least the sword of God. I think watching the movie with this in mind makes some of the symbolism in it a little less impenetrable, though I'm still not sure…

I DVR'd it and didn't watch yet precisely because I didn't want to waste my time if they decided to cancel it. I wonder if every person like me had decided to watch it from the get-go, if they wouldn't have cancelled it. Welcome to TV in the Netflix era, I guess.

A lot less cheap too. In Bloodborne I rarely felt like a death wasn't my fault. In DSII I'm getting killed by jerkasses throwing bombs at me from offscreen that I can't even see, that's just asshole game design.

The wife and I play a lot of Animal Crossing: Amiibo Festival together, but we're both big fans of the series' aesthetic and it's more of a digital board game than anything.

Yeah, I totally pussed out and started reading some walkthroughs, but they're not particularly helpful because everything seems to be shuffled around in SotFS.

I started playing Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin on PS4, thinking I could handle it because I beat Bloodborne.

I've been to hell, it was public school in Mississippi.

On console I find it varies game to game. Every time I play Halo 5 it's full of juvenile mouth-breathers giggling and goofing off, but in something like Rainbow 6 Siege it's usually folks that want to communicate to win.

There were two games this past year that I essentially re-bought the GOTY version of and enjoyed after being lukewarm on the launch version and trading them in.

It's gotten a bit ridiculous—Metal Gear Solid 4 is about a 20-hour game, several of which are cutscenes. MGSV is easily 60 hours with minimal cutscenes.

Honestly, I used to not be this way, but joining Best Buy Gamer's Club and getting 20% off, coupled with the $10 reward pre-order bonus they've done for a lot of games, has made me say "why the hell not?" for several games I would likely have waited to buy.

The tech behind the game sounds incredible, but I asked myself, "Does it sound like fun?" I'm not really sure.

You forgot: guy who forgets he has a mic on (or that his Kinect has one) with screaming baby

My resolution is simple: stop buying games on release date. I've got games I bought in 2014 that I've yet to even start, that I could've picked up for $10 in holiday sales.

**clutches pearls**

MY GOD IT'S FULL OF WANNABE STARS