If my company did it during work hours and got a tax break, you aren’t happy. If the staff do it on their own and not during work hours, you aren’t happy. So, fuck right off.

“You’re way hot! Why’d you cut your hair? Now you’re not as fuckable to me! Omg sheesh take it as a compliment.”

In the story about the scandalous folks on TLC over at Gawker, I posted about the psychological concept of Social Comparison Theory. It’s worth repeating here.

Big Business, Organized Labor, and the Tea Party are all sitting around a table. A plate of delicious warm cookies arrives. Big Business takes 11 of the cookies then turns to Tea Party and points to the remaining cookie and says "psst! Organized Labor is trying to take your cookie!"

You know what, I’m going to copy&paste a really good post I saw on Tumblr. Not my words, but I wish they were because they are so right.

Waitwaitwaitwaitwait... you’re telling me that Gloria Allred gets to question Cosby under oath? There are not enough popcorn gifs in the world for this.

1st Victim (my father):

That’s what I usually have. When I’m craving Special K with red berries (are those really berries?), I need to have something that doesn’t turn me into Fartzilla.

I am the mother of a child with Aspergers. Though he’s quite chill and polite now, he alternated between an angel and a fucking monster from the time he was born until he was four. Lest you think I’m exaggerating, he exasperated pretty much anyone who had to deal with him during one of his meltdowns.

My wife and I consistently have discussions as to whether it’s worth going out to eat with our 2 and 4 year old kids. It’s a crap-shoot at this age. Sometimes they’re happy and distractable and other times they’re fairly inconsolable.

When I finally went to a doctor for my depression and anxiety, he told me one of the best things I could do in the short term was watch puppy videos. This was when I had actually given up on life so much, I wouldn’t even brush my hair in the morning, just tie it into a sad pile of follicles on top my head which often…

If I ever have a kid, and I ever split with the mother, I would hope that someone close to me would punch me in the balls if I ever tried to pull low-blow legal shenanigans like this...

Sue Johanson, Canadian sex education gramma extraordinaire.

Now several young brides from Kilkenny

We make our daughter try one bite of everything.she has to try it before deciding she doesn’t like it. But if she doesn’t like it, we don’t make her eat another bite. I specifically remember being forced to sit at a table for hours in front of cold canned spinach at age 8, and because of that I wouldn’t eat any greens…

I figured out how I managed to go from hating asparagus to loving it. My mom loved it, and served it to me once and I hated it, and then she used mom magic: she never served it to me again, but obviously enjoyed it when ever she made it for herself. Bites from mom’s plate always taste better, so I tried it every…

*raises hand in shame* I am one of those adults...

I AM LITERALLY DEAD NOW. This is every fear of mine as a new parent. Thank god that titty still tastes good kid.