I would ask him to stop using that word in front of you and explain why. If it doesn't work, then feel free to say words in front of him that he doesn't like. What's he gonna do? Ground you?

A cousin of mine and I lit our farts on fire once when we were fourteen or fifteen. That seemed stupid enough at the time, and that was back in the mid 90's.

I know I'm getting old, but damn—are the kids already setting themselves on fire, rather than my lawn?

Seriously! Washing feet, serving drinks, and taking slaps — he was like this guy's version of the perfect woman.

You know who like the most effeminate man in the Bible is? Jesus. So you better check yourself son.

The woman wasn't adamant about having a mixed-race baby— she wanted to increase the pool of acceptable donors (healthy, correct blood type, etc.). The pool of caucasian donors was only like 20. And she knew somebody who had already used one of those 20 donors. Hellish creepiness to take your chances having your kid be…

Here's a bonus tale of billboard vandalism. I've told this story before on Kitchenette but this time I have a picture, which is worth a thousand words.

I find it funny because basically they are hovering and pissing on the seat, because they are afraid of people pissing on the seat. They essentially create the problem they try to solve.

Alright, fellow women's room patrons, you need to stop spraying the fucking toilet seat with your urine like a goddamn tiger marking its territory.

Here's how we solve this dilemma once and for all: LIFT UP THE FUCKING SEAT IF YOU'RE GOING TO SQUAT. I mean, I get it; you don't want your precious butt cheeks to touch…

I know why people have strong negative feelings about Jenny McCarthy, but in this particular instance I don't think she deserves contempt. Any time someone genuinely says "I thought about what I said and it was wrong, I shouldn't have said that" I think it is admirable.

I think it's insulting to insinuate that someone doesn't have the sexual orientation she claims to have.

This. See also: The insinuation that Barack Obama is Muslim. While it's clear to me that the persons saying these things mean them in insulting ways and that's depressing, the defensive response to such jokes is often even more horrifying. I think Colin Powell gave the only high profile rebuttal to the closet Muslim…

What bothers me is that insinuating that Hillary is a lesbian would be considered an insult.

I lived in Delhi in 2012 when the overnight low was in the triple digits. The Georgia summer is totally hospitable in comparison.

This is why we can't have nice fucking things. Manicured perfect, cookie-cutter lawns are fucking ugly resource wasters. Also, air conditioning, I fucking hate air conditioning. I have to carry a sweater like a goddamn grandma around with me because everyone thinks that any temperature above 70 is inhospitably…

Sounds like you need to do the bridge-burning. If his ideal involves you changing yourself, then forget that guy.

That's horrible! Honestly, that would have been worth calling the cops over.

I just need to get this off my chest: a man and I had a nasty interaction in commute traffic (he thought I cut him off), and he pulled up next to me in traffic and screamed about 3 times "I'm going to follow you home and shove my dick up your asshole until it bleeds" and other rapey statements and followed me very…

My son got conjunctivitis and impetigo at the same time. I blame the shopping carts at Ikea. At any rate, he needed prescription eye drops to clear it up. Hope you feel better soon.

It means that I can never travel back in time and live undercover without being accused of being a witch.

I am so annoyed at the term "tramp stamp." Look. It's a really good place for a tattoo. It's easy to cover, it's a symmetrical location, it's flat-ish and often looks good on most women...I am considering getting my first tattoo and I'm not sure where to put it. If there were less insanity over tramp stamps I would be…