I read this article twice and didn’t understand a word. Was it written by a native English speaker?

Whenever you see such incoherent nonsense, be aware that it was likely fabricated by foreign trolls. Its purpose: to distract us women while American politicians continue to send our hard-earned tax dollars to the…

Julia has been crying her eyes out today. Her hero Elena Rybakina lost to Ons Jabeur in 3 sets at Wimbledon. It’s always a rough day for Julia when Elena loses, but this was especially hard because it means Elena is losing her title of Wimbledon champion.

I am a young single mother from the state of Iowa.

I had an appointment to abort my daughter Julia 32 weeks into my pregnancy. I would have done it sooner but work had been hectic. I was in fierce competition for a promotion. I had worked VERY HARD for that promotion and I knew I deserved it more than Pam. I wasn’t…

No intelligent Iowan cares about this. Progressive educated intelligent Iowan women such as myself long ago ceased wasting our time on democracy. Instead we are focusing on withholding our labor from America’s military-industrial complex, which is the only leverage we possess to obtain reparations for the crime of…

Please call my daughter Yulia. That’s her name now. She identifies as a non-binary Russian/Kazakh/American tennis-player girl. Only I am permitted to call her Julia, because I’m her mommy.

Abortion rights penalize us women who missed our chance to abort our children.

I am a young single mother of an unaborted daughter from the state of Iowa. Last month I was passed up for promotion in favor of a childless woman who had an abortion last year. Unlike me, Cheryl always shows up to work early and…

Julia says Tchaikovsky is for dilettantes and dullards. She prefers Stravinsky and Rimsky-Korsakov. She says the minds of her favorite Russian tennis players are revealed through the great symphonic music of Russia, which doesn’t include Tchaikovsky.

Thank you, Kylie, for this important, though somewhat belated, vindication of me. With the coming avalanche of unaborted fetuses, Jezebel will be inundated with single mothers bemoaning their credit card debt.

I, Crystal Jewell, long vilified by Jezebel readers for preaching the illegitimacy of American state power, am fully vindicated.

What about the victims of non-abortion?

Only those of us who’ve had regular access to the finest wine will understand the trauma of losing it.

I was an avid wine taster. Then the COVID-19 pandemic cost me my high-paying job, then I became a single mother. I still drink wine. It’s not good wine, not the sort of wine you proudly serve to admiring houseguests…

Unless I switch to box wine I can’t afford tennis lessons for my unaborted daughter Julia. I love Julia but I can’t drink box wine.

Here is a picture of Elena at the 2023 Australian Open. She lost the finals to Aryna, but she remained undaunted and defeated Aryna at Indian Wells. I can see why Julia wants to be like Elena.

My unaborted daughter Julia’s hero is professional tennis player Elena Rybakina. This weekend Julia and I watched Elena trounce Iga Swiatek and Aryna Sabalenka to win the championship at Indian Wells. According to Julia, Iga and Aryna are the world’s #1 and #2 ranked players, so this was quite an achievement.

Elena was…

Julia’s hero Elena Rybakina is playing the Polish woman Iga Swiatek tonight at Indian Wells. I like Elena but I’m secretly hoping she loses tonight because Julia is obsessed with getting me to pay for tennis lessons, which I cannot afford. My life would be easier if Julia would lose interest in tennis.

My unaborted daughter Julia has a Z on her tennis racket, watches Maria Sharapova videos all day, and speaks with a fake Russian accent. It’s probably just a phase she’ll grow out of. I’m not worried about it.

I love Julia but it would be nice to have another child who acts less Russian. Listening to screechy Maria Sharapova videos is starting to make me appreciate the nice things we have in America.

Are Gwyneth’s space-age health boosters suitable for children? They could be the solution to all my financial problems.

Millions of American mothers choose not to breastfeed. It’s a valid choice and I refuse to be shamed for it when there is perfectly good baby food in every grocery store.

Nobody in my Iowa family breastfed and we all turned out fine. We thrived on baby food.

In Gary’s defense, it’s really the United States government that owes me child support because I was bullied into giving birth to my daughter against my will. I wanted an abortion.